Dubhar
by Rochelle Templer
Summary: A re-telling/filling in the moments in-between scenes of The Two Doctors.
1. Collision, part 1

Author's Note: New fic. Given how my favorite Doctors are Two and Six, it shouldn't come as any surprise that one of my favorite storylines is _The Two Doctors_. And of course, ever since I've seen it, I've been wanting to write a "between-the-gaps" fic for it. Thus, this fic was born. :) I will say up front though, that I will be playing around a little bit with time in this one. This means that some chapters will take place over a longer time frame than what was strictly present on the episodes themselves. But other than that, it will be faithful to the original story. In any case, I hope my readers will enjoy. :)

I do not own Doctor Who or any of its characters.

Thank you to everyone who reads/follows/favorites/reviews this. It is always appreciated.

Chapter One

It was with no small amount of annoyance that the Doctor reflected on how moments like this were one of the numerous reasons why he fled Gallifrey and Time Lord society and rarely looked back.

* * *

_At first, it had seemed like an innocuous mission. Despite the fact that they hardly ever left their home planet, the Time Lords had been monitoring the activities of other planets and galaxies for centuries. Quietly watching from afar, they saw it as their duty to make sure nothing interfered with the complex mechanisms of time. _

_It was for that reason that the Celestial Intervention Agency had summoned the Doctor to carry out yet another one of their seemingly endless assignments for them._

"_Doctor, we have noticed a disturbing level of temporal distortion emanating from Space Station Chimera," his contact within the CIA had told him. "It appears that scientists from this Third Zone outpost have been experimenting with the rudiments of time travel with a complete lack of forethought or caution. Their experiments must cease. Immediately."_

_For a moment, the Doctor wondered just what kinds of methods they had in mind to make them stop. Fortunately, his supervisor already had an agreeable suggestion in mind. _

"_I understand that Dastari is in charge of projects at this station," his supervisor continued. "I seem to recall that you've known him personally for some time. We'd like you to persuade him to put a halt to these dangerous experiments. A simple task, as I'm sure you'd agree."_

* * *

The Doctor huffed and began to pace about, only half listening to what Dastari was currently saying.

Back on Gallifrey, he had agreed with the CIA that this appeared to be a far safer and straightforward mission than many of the recent ones he had been forced to take on. Expecting to only spend about a day on discussions and negotiations, the Doctor began to make tentative plans to relax for a while after it was over. He stopped by Earth to pick up Victoria and took her to a planet on the edge of the Milky Way galaxy so she could finally fulfill her desire to study graphology. After he and Jamie were done at Chimera, he planned to return to where he had taken her so he could show Jamie the beauty of the foothills there and so the three of them could spent time together when she wasn't engaged in her studies.

Looking back on it, the Doctor realized that he shouldn't have been surprised at Dastari's reluctance to comply with the Time Lords' request. What he hadn't counted on was his old friend's complete and unmovable stubbornness over the matter.

"Even if I wanted to Doctor, I have no authority to order Professors Kartz and Reimer to abandon their work."

The Doctor sighed inwardly, struggling to keep his frustration in check. He had seen the data that the Time Lords had gathered from their surveillance and swiftly agreed that something needed to be done before things got out of hand. Originally, he had thought that explaining the situation and the dangers involved would be enough to convince Dastari to consider putting a halt to the experiments at least temporarily while they worked out a plan to ensure that future experiments would not threaten the balance of time. However, it seemed as if any mention of these risks only made Dastari even more obstinate, much to the Doctor's dismay.

"Hasn't it occurred to you that the Time Lords have a vested interest in ensuring that others do not discover their secrets?"

The Doctor made sure to deny Dastari's allegation, albeit half-heartedly. During his time at the Academy, he had heard more than one story about how the intricate web of time had been threatened by their own initial forays into time travel. While most of his fellow Time Lords blithely dismissed this time in their history as a minor point of concern, the Doctor was convinced that even the worst of these stories severely downplayed the peril the temporal fabric of the universe had been in.

'_Still, just because we managed to scrape by with minimal damage doesn't mean we should encourage others to haphazardly fiddle with time,' _the Doctor thought. '_Granted, nothing is more sacred to most Time Lords than maintaining the status quo. But that doesn't make them wrong about the need to preserve the timelines.'_

The Doctor took a deep breath and tried to calm himself. He was disappointed with how his old friend had changed, but tried to hide his unhappiness as best he could. The zeal with which Dastari talked about his experiments to "heighten the awareness" of the Androgums and pass the "baton of progress" over to them made the Doctor wonder if the scientist was truly capable of looking at this situation in a rational, objective manner. This revelation saddened him even more when he considered the brilliant mind that Dastari still possessed, a mind that used to be tempered by a genuine desire to seek knowledge and wisdom rather than bask in the glow of his own accomplishments.

Truthfully, a large part of him wished he could recall the TARDIS and take off there and then, but he knew that the CIA would make him pay dearly for such an act. That along with the fact that these time experiments really were veering into hazardous territory were the only things keeping him here. As he tried to think of another approach to try with Dastari, he glanced over to see Jamie waiting patiently nearby.

Dear old Jamie. It had been years since the CIA had allowed him to reunite with the Scot and restore his memories. Ever since then, Jamie had staunchly refused to leave his side. This made it so that they were able to spend numerous hours enjoying each other's company and could occasionally travel about together like they did before. However, it also meant that the piper insisted on accompanying him on every single assignment, even though many of them were appallingly risky while others left him with virtually nothing to do.

"_Ye will nae get rid of me so easily, Doctor. Aye, someone has to look after ye and that's what I'm goin' to do from now on."_

There had been times when the Doctor thought about trying to convince Jamie to wait for him in the TARDIS or to stay with Victoria while he completed his missions, but the Scot absolutely refused to budge on this point. Eventually, he stopped trying. Out loud, the Doctor had repeatedly scolded Jamie for being stubborn and foolish, but secretly, he was deeply thankful for his presence. Jamie's enduring loyalty and friendship were just about the only things that made all these years of punishing servitude and dirty politics bearable.

Right now, he imagined that Jamie was probably bored with standing around silently, and yet the Doctor could not help but be somewhat relieved by this boredom. Even in the face of his mounting irritation, he still preferred dealing with Dastari's hardheaded indignation to missions that involved putting Jamie in extreme danger. This thought spurred him to keep trying to reason with his old friend.

"Look, I've a suggestion," the Doctor said, his tone and gestures as placating as possible. "Stop these experiments for the time being whilst my people study their work. If Kartz and Reimer really are on safe lines, I'm sure they'll be allowed to continue."

By the end of his statement, the Doctor was smiling, confident that he had finally managed to reach Dastari. That confidence was quickly wiped away by the anger that suddenly sparked in the scientist's eyes.

"_Allowed_ to continue?" Dastari echoed, rising from his chair.

'_Oh crumbs….'_

"I mean, there will be no further objection," the Doctor immediately added.

But by that point, the damage had already been done. Dastari was even more determined than ever to refuse to cooperate. Seeing his chances of successfully negotiating with Dastari slipping away from him, the Doctor found his own temper flaring up in response.

"How is it that you can be such a stupid, stubborn, irrational, and thoroughly objectionable old idiot?!" he bellowed. He looked over toward Jamie again, irritated to see piper smirking.

"Well, what are you smiling at, you, you hairy-legged Highlander?" he snapped.

"I'm jes admirin' yer diplomatic skills," Jamie replied, amusement coloring his tone.

The Doctor brushed his remark aside and moved closer to Dastari. Something about the way that the scientist had suddenly slumped down in his chair had disturbed him. He reached down to check on him and was concerned when Dastari did not respond to his touch.

"He's got his head doon, Doctor," Jamie quipped. "I cannae say I blame him."

"I'll thank you not speak in that appalling mongrel dialect," the Doctor shot back. He couldn't put his finger on it, but something, some creeping threat, was making his nerves tingle, an unpleasant sensation that never meant anything good.

"I mean he's gon' to sleep," Jamie continued.

The Doctor lightly tapped Dastari's arm and checked his pulse and breathing. While he was relieved to find that the scientist was in stable condition, some of the Doctor's worst fears were soon confirmed.

"He's nae asleep…."

Jamie pointed, the smirk back on his face, and despite his increasing unease, the Doctor was barely able to resist smiling back. It was a strange thing that existed between them. All those times when he and Jamie found themselves in mortal peril, they almost always managed to make light of the situation. Of course, they both knew about the worry and seriousness each of them held behind the jokes, but that never stopped either of them. No matter what might happen next, they refused to let anyone or anything to intrude upon the warm, jovial, and intimate existence they shared.

"He's not asleep, Jamie," he corrected himself. "…He's drugged!"

Seconds after saying this, the sound of laser fire reached the Doctor's ears. It was then that he realized that this was not a case of revenge or sabotage that he had first theorized it to be. This was an attack. No, not an attack: an invasion.

One of the lab assistants burst into the room, calling for Dastari, only to be shot down almost as soon as he had entered. The Doctor rushed over and knelt beside the fallen man, but could find no signs of life. He could hear the heavy sound of marching further down the corridor and tried to peer through the billowing smoke.

Suddenly, glints of light reflecting off rounded metal helmets caught his eye. It only took a second for him to recognize the wearers of those helmets and even less time than that for him to start to panic.

'_Sontarans! But what are they doing here? The Third Zoners have no role in the war between them and the Rutans. And as for the space station itself, it's far from strategically located and none of the research being conducted here would be of interest to their military.'_

The Doctor's hearts pounded as he readied himself to run. However, he immediately froze when he realized that a pair of Sontaran warriors had already spotted him and were heading straight for him, their weapons raised. As he watched them advance, another thought popped into his brain.

'_They haven't fired. Sontarans aren't known for taking hostages, so there must be some other purpose for taking me alive. And the same might be true for Dastari as well. It would certainly explain why he was drugged. But…that also means that the Sontarans will probably kill anyone who is of no use to them.'_

The flutter of red fabric at the edge of his vision reminded the Doctor that he was not alone in the room, a fact that made his hearts race even faster.

"Jamie…run," he choked out.

"What?" the piper replied, leaning closer to him.

The Doctor gulped as a shudder ran through his body. One of his early missions for the CIA had taken him to a planet that had been the stage for a scrimmage between the Sontarans and the Rutans. Some of the local inhabitants had foolishly chosen to get involved and the result had been a massacre with the corpses left behind providing plenty of examples of the Sontarans' savagery. The images the Doctor had seen there had seared the idea of their race being without mercy or decency into his brain.

And now they were marching toward Jamie.

"Run, I said!" the Doctor yelled at him, his tone as firm and authoritative as he could possibly make it. "Save yourself!"

Jamie hesitated for about a half a second more before dashing off into a corridor hidden in a corner of the room. The Doctor was able to let out a short sigh of relief that the piper had escaped unnoticed before being confronted with the sight of one of the Sontaran warriors aiming a weapon at his chest. He silently raised his hands over his head and slowly stood back up.

"What is this?" the Doctor asked. "What do you want with me?"

"Be silent, Time Lord!" the Sontaran shouted at him. Two more soldiers showed up and the four of them stepped into the room. They scanned the area for a moment before turning toward the Doctor again.

"There was supposed to be another one with you," the first Sontaran growled at him. "A Tellurian. Where is it?"

"I don't know what you're talking about," the Doctor said casually.

That earned him a brutal kick to the back of his legs, causing him to topple to his knees. The one who had his weapon pointed at him strode forward and grabbed him by the hair, forcing the Doctor to look up at him.

"Where is it?" the Sontaran demanded a second time. "I won't ask you again."

"Good," the Doctor said, a smirk appearing on his lips. "Because I do so hate having to repeat myself."

The Sontaran snarled and tightened his grip on the silver threads in his hand, causing the Doctor to wince.

"Know this," the soldier said, looking the Doctor in the eye. "Your puny attempts to shield the Tellurian will not work. We will find it. And when we do, you can be sure that it will die slowly."

The Doctor retained his cool, impassive stare in spite of the fury and anxiety that grew inside him. He would not give this Sontaran the satisfaction of seeing how much his threats had affected him. He would save those feelings for when he figured out a way to stop the Sontarans and get Jamie, Dastari and any other survivors to safety.

The Sontaran let go of the Doctor's bangs and waved a hand at the other soldiers in the room.

"Take him and load him onto the ship," he said, pointing at Dastari's inert form. "And as for you, Time Lord, on your feet. Now!"

The Doctor stood up and watched as two of the other Sontarans lifted Dastari from his chair and carried him out of the room.

'_So I was right about Dastari,' _he thought to himself. '_But what do they want him for? Or me for that matter?'_

Once they were gone, the two remaining Sontarans forced the Doctor to walk down the corridor in front of them. As they walked, the sound of additional blaster fire and screams filled the Doctor's ears, his hearts aching at the senseless loss of life.

"I'll take the Time Lord to Major Varl," the first Sontaran said to the other one. "You assist the others in the hunt for the Tellurian. Make sure to report to me it has been found."

"Very good, sir," the other Sontaran said before saluting and marching away.

The Doctor flinched, but remained silent. Even though he had managed to convince Jamie to run a couple moments ago, he knew that that would not be the end of it. Although the piper was not quite as impulsive as he used to be, Jamie was still far too willing to risk his life to rescue him. The Doctor was certain that there would be an attempt before too long. Sadly, he was also certain that a rescue attempt would have very little chance of success in this current situation. Dread spurring him to act, the Doctor slowed his pace as he started to concentrate his thoughts toward his companion.

'_Jamie. Jamie, please. You have to survive. No matter what happens, you must not let them catch you. Do what you must to stay alive. And make sure to keep out of sight.'_

The Doctor stumbled and reached up to rub his temples. It had taken a lot of mental effort to send such a strong telepathic projection, and he was left feeling drained.

"Move!" the Sontaran said, giving him a rough shove. The Doctor turned his head to glare at him before doing as he was told.

It had been a long shot, but he hoped that Jamie had received and would attend to his message. Human minds were usually oblivious toward attempts at telepathic communication. However, Jamie was different in that he had a limited amount of psychic sensitivity to the Doctor's thoughts in particular. To this day, the Doctor wasn't sure if this was a latent ability that had been brought forth as a result of the mental training he had put Jamie through, a side effect of all the times when he had linked with the piper's mind for any number of reasons, or simply another facet of the bond that existed between them. Perhaps it was all these things or none of them. Whatever it was behind it, the Doctor prayed that it was powerful enough to override the recklessness that was still a part of Jamie's character.

The Sontaran shoved him into another room and saluted the warrior standing by one of the databank consoles.

"Sir, I've brought you the Time Lord you requested," he said. "Unfortunately, we haven't been able to locate the Tellurian he brought with him."

"Continue the search," the other Sontaran replied. "Our orders are to leave no one alive."

"Understood, sir," the first Sontaran said before leaving. The other Sontaran pulled out his blaster and aimed it at the Doctor.

"I am Major Varl of the Ninth Sontaran Attack Group," he said to him.

"Indeed, how interesting," the Doctor said acerbically. "And what exactly does that have to do with me? An attempt to force Gallifrey's hand in some way? If that's the case, I'm afraid you're in for nothing but disappointment."

"We have no interest in your planet," Varl scoffed. "A race of sniveling pacifists like the Time Lords poses no threat to our ultimate plans of victory and conquest. Although, they will be dealt with when the time comes."

"So what is your goal then?" the Doctor asked. "A disruption of the stability of the Third Zone governments? Worried that they might align themselves with the Rutans?"

"You ask too many questions," Varl said.

"Can't help it," the Doctor quipped. "You could say it's part of my nature. Much like it's apparently part of a Sontaran's nature to butcher unarmed civilians."

Varl stepped forward and punched the Doctor in the stomach while still keeping his weapon pointed at him. The Doctor doubled over painfully and slumped down onto the ground. He looked up to see Varl balling up his fist for another strike when suddenly; the sound of heavy footsteps stopped him.

"Sir," Varl said, saluting.

"Stand at ease," the gruff Sontaran voice behind the Doctor intoned. "This, I take it, is the Time Lord in question?"

"He is," Varl answered. "Shall I take him to the ship?"

"No," the other Sontaran said, moving to stand next to Varl. "No we have one last thing to do with him, one last part of the plan."

"And what is this plan then?" the Doctor snapped. "Or are you just another drone who can't give me any straight answers either?"

The Sontaran next to Varl glowered at him for only a moment before crouching down and grabbing the Doctor by the throat.

"I am Group Marshall Stike of the Ninth Sontaran Attack Group," he said. "And our plan involves keeping you alive for the time being."

Stike tightened his grip and the Doctor was almost certain that he was attempting to smile.

"However, keeping you alive does not necessarily mean keeping you completely intact," the Sontaran said.

Stike let go of his throat and the Doctor coughed several times as he tried to get his breathing back under control. Then he stood back up and grabbed the Doctor by the shoulder, hauling him to his feet.

"Standing in front of that wall, Time Lord," Stike ordered.

The Doctor rubbed his shoulder and peered at the reflective surface in front of him.

'_This isn't just a wall,' _he mused. '_No, it looks like some kind of scanning panel. Yes, it's copying my body print now, I imagine. But why would they….?'_

"Sir, I've set the animator switch on," Varl said.

"Good," Stike replied. "Now we just need to give this computer some additional 'information' to make sure we get the images we want."

The Doctor was about to ask what he meant by that when he was suddenly hit with a bolt of searing pain in his head and throughout his chest. The pain swiftly intensified, causing him to collapse onto the floor. The Doctor thought of Jamie and his fears for the piper's safety resurged. For a moment, he could have sworn that he felt another presence in his mind.

Seconds later, the contact was broken, and the Doctor fell unconscious.


	2. Collision, part 2

Author's Note: Next chapter. My semester has finally ended (yay), so I hope this means more updates in the near future. I plan on getting some additional chapters of this and Parallax (no I haven't forgotten that one) up over the next couple of weeks. In the mean time, I hope my readers will enjoy this chapter.

Oh and yes, you aren't seeing things. I have started to add chapter titles and will be doing so from now on for this fic. :)

I do not own Doctor Who or any of its characters.

Thank you to everyone who is reading/following/favoriting/reviewing this. It is always appreciated. :D

Chapter Two

Smiling as he stood up and stretched, the Doctor was determined to ignore the creeping sensation that something terrible was brewing.

* * *

_The day had started out normally enough. He was at the console, plotting out his next destination when Peri walked into the room, an equal measure of exhaustion and exasperation evident in her features._

"_Look, Doctor, I'm tired of dealing with monsters and megalomaniacs," she said. "Can't we go somewhere fun?" _

_The Doctor let out a loud sigh. While not all of their travels were entirely pleasant, they could hardly be called boring. Traveling with humans for centuries had not helped him figure out why they had such a limited view of amusement. _

"_Fun?" the Doctor finally echoed. _

"_Yeah, fun," Peri added. "Somewhere we can stay out of trouble. We've been rushing around and confronting all these terrible people. Really, it's no wonder that you're still so disoriented from your regeneration."_

"_Disoriented? Disoriented?! Peri, I'll have you know that….."_

"_Yes, yes, I know," Peri said, cutting him off with a wave of her hand. "You're a Time Lord renewed and improved. You're as oriented as you'll ever be. I get all that, Doctor, but I still think we need to stop jumping into one crisis after another. At least for a little while anyway. Haven't you noticed these days that when we're back here on the TARDIS and we have a chance to catch our breath, it's like...I, I don't know, it's like you're trying to grab the wind or something? You lose track of where you are and what you're doing. And when you get like that, I never know if you'll end up lost or confused or both."_

_The Doctor harrumphed and shook his head before leaning back over the console. He couldn't deny that he was still suffering from some post-regeneration trauma, but he refused to believe that he was as addled as Peri was making him out to be. He was about to tell her that too when a hand clutching his forearm stopped him._

"_All I'm saying is that I think you need time," Peri said quietly. "I, I'm scared that something will happen to you if you keep pushing yourself like this. Please, Doctor. "_

_And that right there hit the core of his complicated relationship with his companion, Miss Perpugilliam Brown. His fifth self had found her to be an engaging, generous woman who was worth the sacrifices he had made that had led to his current incarnation. It was this fact that ended up playing a fundamental role in shaping the person he had become. True, there was a sliver of resentment that sometimes festered inside him whenever he thought about how Peri seemed to pine for his former self, a resentment which often manifested itself in their bickering. _

_In the end, though, every cell of his being could never forget that he had been willing to die for Peri. And the Doctor was intuitively aware that this would continue to carry meaning and weight in the decisions he made. _

_The Doctor let out another sigh, this one of resignation._

"_All right," he said with a wan smile. "Where would you like to go?"_

"_Anywhere that doesn't involve running into other renegade Time Lords," Peri said with a smirk as she crossed her arms over her chest. "First the Master, now the Rani…why are all the other people who leave your home planet such egotistical jerks? And for that matter, why do they all seem to know you personally?" _

"_Are you implying that there might be some connection between their knowing me and their truculent, nefarious personalities?" the Doctor replied. "Perhaps some commonalities between myself and them?"_

"_Of course not, Doctor," Peri said, the smirk not leaving her face. _

"_Good," the Doctor nodded. "Because I would like to think that, by now, you can see the validity in the saying that you can often judge a man by his enemies as well as his friends."_

"_Oh sure," Peri said. "It's right up there with that other saying about how it takes one to know one."_

_The Doctor made a face as he punched buttons on the console._

"_I'm going to pretend that I didn't hear that," he said. "And as for something fun, how does a few days in the sun next to a body of water sound to you?"_

* * *

A few hours later, the Doctor was gathering up his things and handing them over to Peri.

Part of the reason why he had readily agreed to her request to take time off was because something had been troubling his mind for the last couple of days. He couldn't put a name to this disturbance. He only knew that it continued to bother him with as much persistence as it continued to elude any attempt to understand it. These hours spent relaxing his body and mind had done much to take the edge off of this unease.

He had hoped that Peri would find the quiet contemplation of fishing to be as refreshing as he did and was disappointed when she complained of boredom. Although, looking back on it now, he could see why she might not be able to enjoy herself as much as she might have. What had formally been idyllic spot had somehow become a jagged, rocky pit with a shallow murky pool of water.

'_Strange. I could have sworn that the last time I was here, this whole area was turning into a wide circle of soft sand with a deep blue lake in the center of it. I can't believe it's changed so much in…what is it now, twenty years? Or was that two hundred? Come to think of it, I'm not quite sure….'_

Still, he hadn't given up on this fishing holiday yet and held out some hope that she would find their next destination far more stimulating than this one had been. Plus, he was certain that, when they finally did manage to catch something and he had had a chance to utilize his culinary skill with seafood, she would forget all about her boredom. At any rate, the last couple of hours of meditation had convinced him that Peri might be right in thinking that he needed to slow down for a time.

As he walked back into the TARDIS, he thrust open his umbrella, creating a flourish of color.

"We'll try our luck at the Great Lakes of Pandatorea," he grinned.

Peri, who was currently loaded down with his fishing gear, trudged in behind him, showing decided less enthusiasm than him about their holiday. She dropped the gear onto a nearby chair before sitting down on the ottoman next to it.

"What is all this fishing stuff anyway?" she asked. The Doctor frowned and marched over toward the main console.

"It's restful," he answered. "Relaxing." He propped himself up along the edge and regarded her with a more thoughtful expression.

"I think I've been overdoing things," he said, finally conceding to a point she had been trying to make for weeks. "I haven't felt at all…myself lately."

"Don't know which is yourself," Peri said with a snort.

For once, the Doctor found himself wholeheartedly agreeing with her. He remembered how his previous regeneration had been fraught with moments where his past personas had flooded his brain and had started to assert themselves over his fledging sense of self. He had wondered if his new persona would be able to rise up and break away from those previous incarnations and was relieved when it finally did. At the time, he believed that post-regeneration trauma could not be any worse than what had had just gone through.

His most recent regeneration, however, had proven him wrong in very forceful and disconcerting way. After the physical event had passed, there were many times when he felt his sense of self begin to fracture and shatter. He still could not completely remember everything he had done when he was caught up in the throes of disassociation, confusion and despondency and he wasn't entirely sure he wanted to. Despite having regained control over his psyche, the Doctor noticed that there were lingering side effects from this difficult regeneration.

One of the more unnerving effects was the fact that he was somehow still attuned to his previous selves. Their thoughts and feelings would sometimes bleed into his consciousness. Stranger still was the nagging sense that he had that he was experiencing these things as if he was walking right alongside them in their portion of his time-stream. The Doctor was reluctant to discuss this with Peri, but he suspected that this was the cause of his periods of forgetfulness and bewilderment.

Recently, however, he was starting to rethink that position and was now tempted to tell her exactly why he had come to the conclusion that he needed to rest after all. He opened his mouth to speak and was surprised at how much he had to struggle to get the words out.

"This re…regeneration…ge…ne…ge…."

The Doctor staggered as he tried to move toward Peri. He could feel himself slipping away and was startled when his body made contact with the floor. Thoughts and feelings that were not entirely his own swamped his mind.

'_Music…Notes…Songs…I'll play a tune. But…he didn't always appreciate that. Maybe a…a jelly baby then. Yes, yes, he enjoys all those confections, doesn't he? He…he….who…?'_

'_Jamie! Jamie, where are you?! Stay away! Stay….'_

"Doctor?! What's wrong?"

For a moment, the Doctor could feel Peri's hand clasp his shoulder and he was grateful for that reassuring touch. But that relief vanished as something else overwhelmed him: pain. Pain that could only be phantom in nature, but that was still very real and terrifying.

'_What…what's happening? I…I….'_

'_Dying. I'm dying! Jamie…Peri…please….don't….'_

Suddenly the contact was severed and the Doctor spiraled into blackness.

* * *

The Doctor could not tell for sure how much time had passed, but he guessed that it hadn't been long.

Awareness had returned to him slowly. He half expected to still be in agony when he awoke and was shocked to discover that he wasn't. Instead, he could sense Peri still crouching beside him. He took a deep breath and pulled himself up off the floor.

"Doctor? Are, are you all right?"

"Of course I'm not all right!" he snapped at her.

The Doctor inwardly flinched. He hadn't meant to be so harsh with her, especially given how focusing on her presence had helped him to pull himself out of the disjointed state he had been in, but he hadn't been able to stop himself. His hearts continued to pound rapidly and his breaths were coming out in short gasps. He hated feeling so jittery. It reminded him of a time when it had been much harder for him to regulate his emotions.

Struggling to regain some measure of calm, the Doctor asked Peri what had happened. Initially, he had dismissed her explanation that he had fainted. However, after a little more thought, he secretly conceded that fainting was probably similar to what he had just been through.

"I remember now, I felt a weakness," he said. "I felt…a weakness and then I…I was in another place."

Peri tried to offer her help, but he ignored her as he let his mind gather together all the bits and pieces of what he had experienced.

"…And the tensile strength of…jelly babies. I…I had a clarinet. Or was it a flute? Something you blew into?"

"A glass of water?" Peri suggested.

"Water, no I don't think so," the Doctor replied, still only half-listening to her. "A recorder! That's what it was. Some kind of mind-lock."

Peri shook her head. She pointed out how confused he sounded and he planned on trying to come up with a straightforward way to explain what he had felt. Unfortunately, that explanation was lost when another wave of panic crested inside him.

"I'm making perfect sense," he insisted. "I was being put to death!"

Peri put her hand back on his arm and had tried to calm him down while suggesting that he sit down.

"Sit down!?" he nearly shouted. "They're executing me! Except… it wasn't that way. It didn't end like that. So it's not possible."

Peri was clearly even more confused than she was before and tried again to reassure him. Her efforts were in vain, however, as he frantically tried to make sense out of what had happened.

'_Humans. It's so hard for most of them to fully appreciate the fact that time is far from rigidly linear. How can I help Peri understand what happened to me?'_

The Doctor's mind raced as he tried to think of possible explanations for his mind-slip and he ended up stating some of those ideas out loud. It could have been any number of temporal disturbances, large or small. Or maybe it was the beginning of a time paradox. He hoped that that wasn't it. Paradoxes were often tricky and usually dangerous.

As he ran through these ideas, there was one explanation he had refused to acknowledge: that somehow his mind had made contact with one of his previous selves. Acknowledging that would mean accepting the notion that his current self was inexorably intertwined with all his previous incarnations and that he would never be completely independent within this portion of his time-stream. Despite the trepidation this idea fostered, the Doctor couldn't help but see the logic in it. Not only would it explain the experience he had just had, it also would account for the growing realization that he was swiftly losing any memories he might have about one of his previous selves crossing this point in his time-stream.

The Doctor paced about the console room. No, he could not believe that. He could not believe that this was the answer. He started to mull over all the alternatives that had sprung to mind when Peri offered another suggestion.

"Perhaps you should see a doctor," she said.

The Doctor's features fell into a slight frown. He was almost sure that Peri was trying to be humorous in order to distract him and was mildly surprised when she insisted that that wasn't the case. In the end, he decided that it was just as well. Her previous comment about circular logic was far more amusing anyway.

After another moment of thought, he started to wonder if maybe she was onto something.

"Actually, that's not such a bad idea," he muttered.

He yanked a pocket of cards out of his pocket and began to scan them. Recently, he decided to try some new techniques to help him slowly integrate his memories back into a cohesive whole with the cards being one of the substitutes for his usual pocket diaries. His eyes darted across name after name until one in particular stood out to him for some reason.

"Dastari!" he breathed. "Joinson Dastari, HP1, head of projects, Space Station Chimera, Third Zone. That's it!"

The Doctor draped his packets of cards over Peri's neck and dashed over to the console. He was excited to tell Peri about some of the work that he knew the scientists at Chimera were working on, but soon discovered that she was none the wiser after his energetic summery. Then he briefly questioned where his sudden hyperactivity had come from before quickly deciding that there were more pressing concerns to worry about. For now, he would focus on the chance to catch up with his old friend Dastari and find out what new breakthroughs he and the other scientists at Chimera were exploring.

"You know that was a good idea of mine, wasn't it?" he said cheerfully.

"What?" Peri replied.

"Getting medical help."

Peri closed her eyes in frustration while the Doctor chuckled to himself. Usually, the bickering was an elaborate game between them, and it looked like this round would go to him.

'_It's been a long time since I last saw Dastari,' _he mused. '_Can't wait to hear about what he's been doing all this time. And as for that mind-slip…I'm sure I'll figure it out eventually. No need to dwell on it for now.'_

The Doctor pushed some more buttons and soon the TARDIS was off, flying through the Vortex and toward what he hoped would be a much needed break from his worries.


	3. Three days

Author's Note: Next chapter. I've had a bit of a lazy week this week, but now I'm getting back into a writing routine again. So hopefully this means more updates soon...perhaps even more than one next week. We'll see. :)

Oh and just a warning, these next couple of chapters will be a little dark...

I do not own Doctor Who or any of its characters.

Thank you to everyone who is reading/following/favoriting/reviewing this. It is always appreciated.

Chapter Three

Silence and darkness. Those were the only constants left in James Robert McCrimmons's life.

Huddled on a platform in the bowels of the station, Jamie had no idea how much time had passed since he last heard any sounds at all. He was certain that it had been hours and guessed that it might have been days. There was no way to tell for sure from where he currently was. No light ever penetrated the shadows surrounding him nor were there ever any changes in his environment of metal beams and wires. Nevertheless, the lack of any external cues as to how much time had gone by did not affect one other certainty that Jamie had eventually worked out: that the Knights had long since departed and left everyone on the station for dead.

However, neither this knowledge nor the slow passage of time was enough to compel him to move very far from where he had hidden himself.

"_And make sure to keep out of sight."_

Jamie shivered and pulled a ratty blanket he had recently acquired over his head. Exhaustion made his eyelids droop. Soon he found himself lying down, curled on the platform in a tight ball. He didn't want to go to sleep, but severe hunger and thirst combined with hours of sustained hyper-vigilance had taken their toll. It wasn't long before his eyes closed and he fell into a fitful sleep.

Against his will, he started to dream.

* * *

_Smoke and screams followed him everywhere as Jamie ran down the corridors. _

_There were several moments along the way when he cursed himself for running and leaving the Doctor behind. These fits of anger with himself were tempered, however, by the memory of the Doctor's voice when he told him to flee. Jamie had stopped being afraid of the Doctor years ago and he knew that he was not expected to mindlessly obey every command given to him. However, the piper also knew that there were times when the Doctor would brook absolutely no argument from him and this was clearly one of them. _

_Still, while Jamie could reluctantly heed the instruction for a strategic retreat, every fiber of his being would not let him abandon the Doctor completely. _

_Jamie darted around a corridor, his heart thumping wildly in his chest. At one point, one of the Knights had spotted him and started waving some kind of stick at him that fired out a purple light. The piper had just seen that light kill one of the scientists, so he knew that he had to avoid it at all costs. He ran in the opposite direction, weaving back and forth randomly to make it difficult for his pursuer to aim. He was certain that the Knight was gaining ground and desperately tried to speed up his pace when a shrill shriek startled him into stopping. _

_The Scot turned to see an old man in white stumble backwards onto the floor and raise his arms out toward the Knight, a gesture begging for mercy. The Knight merely grunted before shooting the man in the leg. The man screamed again, and Jamie balled up his fists, ready to fight. Before he could react, however, the stomping of more boots filled his ears. The Knight in front of him had pulled out what looked like a short saber and had thrust it into the man's abdomen. _

_Burning with anger and sickened to the core, Jamie fled. Battle instincts which he had honed over the years told him that there was nothing he could do and that any intervention on his part would just result in his own death as well. It didn't make him feel any better, but it was enough to compel his feet to move. _

'_I have to find the Doctor. I have to save him.'_

_Those words became a mantra that gave Jamie the will and focus to continue to flee and evade capture even though it also meant running away from a series of hopeless battles filled with people who pleaded for someone to help them and with scenes of torture and slaughter._

_At one point, he hid in an alcove within a corridor that was stained with blood and charred debris. He could hear the Knights marching along the hallways that intersected with this one and decided to wait until they passed to resume his search for the Doctor. While he waited, an odd sensation overtook him. Something was prodding at the corners of his mind, a faint awareness that was both alien and comfortingly familiar to him. _

_Despite his grim situation, a trace of a smile played on Jamie's lips. He recognized the presence that had brushed up against his thoughts as the Doctor trying to communicate with him. Not only did it mean that the Doctor was still alive, it also meant that he was probably trying to formulate a plan to escape. Jamie closed his eyes and cleared his mind in order to let the Doctor's message permeate his brain. He strained to concentrate and felt more than heard what was said. _

'_Jamie…you must not let them catch you.'_

'_Do what you must to stay alive….'_

'_And make sure to keep out of sight.'_

_Jamie's eyes popped open, a shiver running through his body. Rather than giving him hope, the Doctor's instructions had created a tight ball of anxiety deep within him. He was convinced that the Doctor had not devised a plan nor was he in the process of doing so. Instead he was doing one of the things Jamie feared most: he was giving up. Worse still, the Doctor was pushing him away in an attempt to shield him from whatever disaster he thought was coming._

_Jamie ground his jaw. By now, he had the prudence to be frightened whenever the Doctor was scared of something, but that terror could never supersede the things that defined him. He was James Robert McCrimmon, son of Donald McCrimmon and a piper like his father for the Clan McLaren. He had left his native Highlands for an uncertain path through time and space and now acknowledged a Time Lord as his laird. However, none of that changed the tenets of fidelity, courage and fortitude that governed his life. Thus, the piper was angry that the Doctor thought that he would leave him behind. _

_The Scot took a deep breath and crept back down into the corridors. His anger had only lasted a moment because Jamie knew that the Doctor's instructions were borne out of affection and concern for him and were not meant as a slight on his character. For all his care and protectiveness of the lives of others, the Doctor had distressingly little regard for his own life and wellbeing. It was a fault in his personality that Jamie had known about for a long time and was one of the reasons why the piper believed that it was vital that someone look after the Doctor. _

_Right now, that someone was him and Jamie refused to shirk his duty, no matter how dangerous it tended to to be. _

_As he stealthily weaved down the hallways, Jamie heard some of the Knights refer to their leader completing some sort of task as part of their plan. He continued to hear snatches of conversation and barked orders about the leader from other Knights. Jamie suspected that their plan had something to do with the Doctor, so he followed them and listened closely until one of them finally mentioned where their leader had gone. Then Jamie sneaked away in the general direction that the Knight had stated, unsure of where he needed to go until the moment when he heard the distant sound of Doctor's voice shouting at someone._

_Jamie grimaced and headed off toward that voice. Eventually, he found a room with a pair of Knights guarding it. Certain that he had found the Doctor, Jamie began to look for a way in. He swiftly decided that the main doorway was not an option and went to search for another entrance. Unfortunately, there didn't appear to be one which momentarily left the Scot frustrated and at a loss over what he should do next. He glanced upward and saw a grate in the wall high above him. Jamie climbed onto a narrow metal cage and slowly rose up to peer into the room._

_What he saw there would haunt him for the rest of his life._

_His eyes were immediately drawn toward a tall, glass chamber with a light blue glow pulsating inside it. In the center of the tube was a person whose face and limbs were contorted with agony and Jamie was horrified to discover that it was the Doctor. _

"_Doctor!" he cried out, his voice a hoarse whisper. Jamie didn't know what this tube was for or what it was doing, but it was clear to him that, whatever it was, it was killing the Doctor. _

_Jamie yanked his dirk out of his boot and stabbed it against the grate. The rational part of his mind quickly realized that it was futile, but that wasn't enough to stop his hands from continuing to shove the blade into the edges._

_Another soundless scream erupted from the Doctor's lips, and Jamie felt his heart break apart into so many tiny shards._

'_Doctor!'_

* * *

"Doctor!"

Jamie's eyes flew open and he breathed heavily through the fabric of his blankets. Ever since he had hidden himself away in the station's inner workings, he had made sure to make as little noise as possible. That meant no talking to himself, no songs to soothe his nerves, and no tears lest he lose control and his tears turn into loud sobs. He had even learned to press his face into the crook of his arm or the blankets he was wrapped in before going to sleep because sleep often meant dreams and dreams always meant going back to that moment when he saw the Doctor die. Thus, he needed to make sure to muffle the screams that would accompany him upon waking.

"…_you must not let them catch you."_

The piper took a couple more deep breaths before rubbing his eyes and sitting up. He rifled through the folds of the blanket he had laid onto the platform. He hadn't eaten since arriving at the station and he ran out of water a while ago. Jamie knew that he would have to leave his hiding place to search for food and water, but he was reluctant to move.

Especially after what had happened before.

* * *

_After hours and hours of silence, Jamie ventured back out into the rest of the station. It was dark, the air filled with the stench of death and decay, but Jamie continued to keep an eye out for any other survivors and for provisions that could keep him alive while he waited for a rescue party. _

_The first room he walked into was one of the maintenance staff's quarters. There was even less light here and the floor was sticky. Jamie gulped when he realized that he was stepping in pools of drying blood, He shifted his focus back onto looking for supplies and pressed on. He managed to find a pair of old blankets, a jacket, and some packets of water. The Scot bundled it all up into a ball and stepped back into the hallway. _

_The moment he did, a cold metallic voice echoed all around him._

"_Return to your ship and leave."_

_Jamie rushed over to hide up against the wall. He had thought that the Knights had left and now wondered if he had been wrong._

"_Return to your ship and leave."_

_The piper shook and clutched at his bundle. The way the voice kept repeating the same thing over and over made him suspect that it was artificial. While Jamie found some relief in the fact that the Knights were no longer around, he did worry about what would happen if that voice wasn't happy with his lack of a response._

"_Switching to defense alert."_

_Jamie felt his breathing quicken. He didn't know for sure what that meant, but he was certain that it was nothing good. He ran down the corridor back toward the vent he had come from. He felt the air around him grow frigid and found it increasingly hard to breathe. His heart raced as he dashed away while his head spun. In his haste, he tripped over a corpse which sent him sprawling onto the floor. Panicked, he shoved himself away from the cold, stiff form and scrambled back up to his feet. _

_Once he had made it back to the vent, he shoved his bundle in first and jumped in behind it, gasping for air. Then he grabbed his things and crawled and climbed his way through the maze of ladders, steps and platforms. Eventually, Jamie returned to where he had been hiding and promptly collapsed, shaking from fear and exhaustion. After a few minutes of lying still so he could recover, he realized that it was warmer now and easier to breathe. Whatever it was that had tried to suffocate him had not been able to find him here._

_Jamie sat up and unwrapped his bundle. He was relieved to see that all the packets of water were still intact. He picked one of them up and tore it open, greedily gulping down the liquid inside. He wanted more and had drunk down another packet of water before forcing himself to hold back. He didn't know how long it would be before he could get more water, so it was important to make his supply last. _

_The Scot moved his water to the side and situated his blankets into a makeshift bed. Then he tucked the other packets away into one of the folds and laid down, pulling the other blanket over his head. He closed his eyes and shoved a corner of his blanket against his mouth._

_There was still something in the station, something that had tried to kill him. From this point on, Jamie would stay where he was, silent and hidden away until it gave up and left him alone._

* * *

Jamie stared at the used water packets and frowned. He had tried to hold out as long as possible with the supplies he had, but they had not been enough. He thought about how he used to grumble to the Doctor about their 'one-meal-a-day' eating schedule, and the thought of it made his stomach ache. However, it also occurred to him that that regimen had made it easier for him to live without food for prolonged periods of time. Hunger pangs were nothing he couldn't handle. He had learned to ignore them.

He was aware, though that he could not go without nourishment forever. While he had adjusted to the constant, empty feeling in his stomach, recently he had felt increasingly light-headed and disoriented. He had managed to stave it off some by drinking more, but that had drained his water supply. Now, he had to deal with both hunger and an increasing thirst, and he knew that he couldn't last much longer like this.

The piper pulled the jacket he had found around his shoulders and onto his head.  
The coat was ill-fitting, but wearing it this way helped some with the persistent chill that Jamie could not shake.

He had thought about his last attempt to search the station many times and had formulated some ideas about how to move around without being noticed. This time, he would stay in the shafts and vents as much as possible and only stay in room for short periods of time. Whatever had taken the air and heat away from him before did not seem to be able to follow him into the vents. Thus, this seemed like a good plan to avoid detection.

Jamie's insides quaked and he tried to take some deep breaths to calm himself. Even with his strategy worked out, he still did not want to wander out into the station again. While he might be able to evade the Voice controlling the station's environment, he would still be confronted with the sights and smells of the aftermath of a massacre, a massacre that reminded him too much of Culloden.

'_No quarter. That's what those Redcoats shouted to each other while they murdered everyone,' _he mused bitterly. '_Aye, and that's jes what happened here. No quarter. No reason to show any mercy. And don' show any decency in the killin'. Jes keep on murderin' 'til there's no one left.'_

Jamie swallowed hard. Traveling with the Doctor the way he did made it difficult to know how many years had passed since he had escaped that battlefield. But Jamie knew that no amount of time could ever erase the memory of watching his family, friends, and fellow clan members die all around him. The scent of blood in the corridors and the bodies strewn about were sure to take him back to that day.

"_Do what you must to stay alive."_

Jamie blinked several times and scrubbed the back of his hand across watery eyes. The Doctor's last instructions continued to resonate within him. By now, they existed more as impressions that were deeply entrenched in his mind than actual words. He could try not to think about them, but he could not escape them.

The piper closed his eyes for a moment before finally getting up. He crept along the metal lattices carefully while making sure to catalog every twist and turn he made as best he could. Then Jamie hoisted himself into the ventilation shafts and squirmed through them, taking the time to pause by every grate so he could see where he was within the station.

Soon, Jamie was able to find the kitchen where he and the Doctor had first landed in the TARDIS. The stink of rot was even stronger here, but that was to be expected. Jamie tried to breathe through his mouth as much as possible. It helped. If only a little bit.

Jamie worked his way downward until he found a duct opening that was close to the floor. He pried the cover off and gingerly climbed into the room. He looked around and spied the bare space in the corner where the TARDIS had materialized.

His throat tightened as Jamie walked over to that spot. He lowered himself to kneel on the floor and leaned forward, running his hands over the ground. He squeezed his eyes shut and prayed. He begged anyone who could listen to help him wake up from this nightmare and for the TARDIS to reappear with the Doctor inside, alive and well. Lost in a rush of memories, he could see the Doctor's warm smile and hear him gently chiding him for some reason or another. For a moment, Jamie could swear that he felt a pair of hands patting his shoulders, reassuring him that he was safe and that everything would be fine.

Then he opened his eyes and was returned to the bleak landscape of darkness and death. Jamie's breathing hitched. He thought that he would break down then and there.

"…_you must not let them catch you."_

'_No…No I cannae…If I stay here tae long that…that Voice…will find me here.'_

Jamie stood back up and stumbled before regaining his footing and beginning his search. Most of the food was rancid, but he did find a few pieces of what looked like fruit that seemed as if they might be edible. Jamie took off his jacket and turned it into a basket to carry the produce. He found some canisters of water and stuffed those into the impromptu sack as well. Lastly, he discovered a platter with some scraps of meat that had apparently been smoked. He hesitated, unsure if he could bring himself to eat any flesh while he was trapped with all those corpses, but eventually tucked away what was left into his bag.

Confident that he had found most of what could be salvaged, Jamie knotted the jacket up and climbed back into the vents. He took several wrong turns on his way back and was scared that he might not make it back to his hiding place. However, the piper fought against his fear and was able to regain his bearings over time. After what felt like another two hours of searching, he found the platform he had been living on and laid down to rest for a few minutes. Then he opened his jacket up and surveyed its contents.

It was easy for him to grab one of the canisters and drink several mouthfuls of water, his thirst having become unbearable. He was less sure, however, about how palpable the food would be.

Jamie's stomach rumbled loudly and it encouraged him to at least sample his finds. He eyed one of the scraps of meat for a minute before picking it up. He nibbled at it, and upon finding it suitable to eat, wolfed the rest of it down. It was when he started to gnaw at the bone that Jamie finally realized just how hungry he had been.

Suddenly, a memory of the aroma of decay sprung into his brain, and his stomach churned. Jamie tasted bile at the back of his throat. He leaned over the side and vomited, emptying his stomach of everything he had just eaten. Once he was finished, Jamie groaned and fell back onto his side, clutching his belly.

'_I…I cannae….I cannae eat this.'_

Jamie stared at the rest of the food he had gathered. He was tempted to throw it all away and go back to not eating.

"_Do what you must to stay alive."_

Jamie hiccupped. He just wanted to close his eyes and never reopen them. But that was something he could not do. The Doctor had wanted him to survive, and Jamie was determined to honor his last wish.

It was the least he could do given how he had failed in so many other ways.

The piper rubbed his stomach a few times and studied the produce. Despite what had just happened, he was pretty sure that the food he had found was safe to eat. It was just a matter of getting used to eating it.

Jamie decided that perhaps he should try one of the fruits this time. He picked up a dark red item and tentatively bit into the skin. It had a mild peppery flavor that he got used to in a couple more bites. He finished it in less than a minute, thankful that it had not upset his stomach. He forced himself to eat a little more of the meat and managed to keep it down too. Then he washed his meager meal down with some more water and stored the rest of it away in his blanket. He would have to ration his supplies carefully in order to make them last, and that meant severely limiting his intake.

Still, Jamie rationalized that it wouldn't be any worse than the hours he had already spent down here, starved and dehydrated. At least now he would be getting some nourishment once in a while. He pulled the food back out and arranged into portions that he could allocate to rough estimates of time.

After he was finished, Jamie hid the food away and laid back down, covering himself completely with one of the blankets. He thought again of the kitchen and the void where the TARDIS had been. He wondered if the other Time Lords were aware of what had happened.

And he wondered if they would even care.

Fresh tears filled his eyes, and this time, Jamie wasn't able to hold them back. His body shook, wracked with sobs, and it no longer mattered if he could be heard.

"Doctor," he wept, burying his face into the rough fabric. "Please… please don'….Ye…ye cannae…ye cannae be…."

Jamie let out strangled cry and beat the heel of his fist against the floor several times before covering his face with his palms. Darkness had enveloped him again, but now it was not so silent.

Now, Jamie McCrimmon had the sounds of his grief to be his constant.


	4. Seven days

Author's Note: Next chapter. This one is a bit long and again rather dark. I'm not sure if I'll get another chapter up this week, but we'll see.

I do not own Doctor Who or any of its characters.

Thank you to everyone who is reading/following/favoriting/reviewing this. It is always appreciated. :)

Chapter Four

Shortly after he woke up, Jamie decided to sing.

It wasn't the first thought in his mind when he regained consciousness. There was the usual confusion he felt as his eyes snapped open and searched for the source of the hoarse scream that woke him up. This confusion only dissipated when he realized that, once again, he had been the one screaming. Then there was the waiting while his mind tried to convince his pounding heart and burning lungs that the source of his nightmares had probably happened days ago by now. Finally, there were the desperate efforts to push the resulting sorrow out of his brain before it had a chance to poke at the gaping wound in his heart and drive him little closer to insanity. On this last part, Jamie was successful most of the time.

However, Jamie was even more successful at ignoring the madness that had already taken root in his soul and was slowly, but inexorably growing stronger.

Jamie yawned as he sat up and scratched his cheek. Scraggily whiskers had sprouted on his face. At first, they irritated him, and he thought about trying to shave them off with his dirk. But every time he reached for his knife, he thought about the last time he used it and decided that he was better off leaving them alone. The coarse fabric of the jumpsuit he was wearing also itched and was covered in dirt and dark green stains. Jamie ran a grimy finger along the splotches on his chest.

It was then that he thought about singing: to commemorate those who had died and to mourn the loss of both his dearest friend and the last person he could truly call kin. He would sing the hymns for those who had fallen battle and laments that were steeped in the same sadness that saturated him to the marrow. But he wouldn't sing right now. He had a routine to follow and he would see to that first before devoting any time to grieving.

His course of action decided, the piper mechanically went through the motions of the routine he had created for himself: drink two swallows of water, eat his allotted morsel of food, drink another swallow of water, and prepare to lurk around the station. It was a meager, futile routine, but it kept him alive and managed to give some fleeting moments of purpose to a passage of time that he could no longer measure.

Jamie took an extra sip of water before tucking the canister away in his blanket. He would need to find more water soon. So far, that had not been difficult to do. Canisters and packets of water seemed to be scattered all over the station. Jamie had found more than one stash in his explorations. As long as he continued to be sparing in his water intake, he could make these supplies last for weeks. No, he would not die of thirst, at any rate.

Starvation, however, was another matter. Almost all of the food he had found in the kitchen had either been eaten or had rotted past the point of being edible. He tried looking for emergency rations, but all the storage areas he had found had been stripped bare. The Scot figured he would have to make a return trip to the kitchen at some point to see if anything else could be salvaged. It would probably turn out to be a fruitless venture, but it would give him something to do.

However, this expedition was not about finding supplies. It was about a task he should have done long before now: a systematic search of the station to look for a way to escape.

The piper tied his tattered jacket around his shoulders and set off. It didn't take him nearly as long to get to where he wanted to go this time because he was finally starting to memorize the layout of the station. Jamie recalled how big the station had seemed to him as he and the Doctor approached it. It would take a long time to search all of it completely. Probably longer than his provisions of food and water would last. At this point, his only hope was to find some means of rescue before they ran out.

Not that Jamie McCrimmon put much stock in concepts like hope anymore. Still, almost anything was better than sitting in the dark and giving his mind time to think about everything that had happened since he arrived here.

He crawled through the ducts and jumped down into a darkened room. Jamie had learned that he was safe from the Voice as long as he only spent a few minutes in each room and did not walk out into the corridors. Thus, he began to silently count as a way to keep track of time while fumbling about in the darkness. Once he reached the end of his countdown, he would slip back into the vents, even if he hadn't finished searching entire room.

Jamie conducted a similar search in several rooms with no results. Many of the rooms were filled with equipment whose uses were completely unknown to Jamie. A couple of the rooms had computer terminals, but they did not appear to be working. He was beginning to think that this was a pointless endeavor, but he continued on just the same.

A few hours later, Jamie was exhausted and ready to go back to his hiding place. He turned to retrace his route when he spied another grill opening. He thought about saving it for another time when it occurred to him that there wasn't another around for at least several yards.

'_Might as well check that one tae,' _he told himself. '_Then I can go further up next time.'_

Jamie drew his jacket closer to him and crept over to the grate. The hinges were rusty, but after a couple hard shoves, he was able to get it open. He grasped the edges of the wall and slid down the wall. This room was not quite as dark as some of the others, but it had more nooks and crannies which made it hard to see what all was here with just a glance.

The scent of putrefaction was stronger here as well. The Scot gasped and took some shuddering breaths as he worked to adjust to the smell. He tried to keep his mind on his search and on how much time he spent here, but something about the room unnerved him. He stopped counting so he could work out why that was and eventually realized that this room was familiar somehow.

Suddenly, Jamie detected a flicker of movement, and he froze. His hand went into his pocket to find his dirk, his fingers curling around the handle tightly. Even though he was sure that there was no one else alive at the station, Jamie sometimes saw things. Snatches of motion, shadows that shifted for only a second, amorphous shapes that never seemed to stay long enough to garner any sort of definition; all of this lurked at the edges of his vision. He was not always sure if these things were real, but in the end, it didn't matter. The horror of what he had already endured had robbed him of his ability to know, or care, if they were real or not.

The piper pulled out his knife and crouched down as he slinked along the wall. If there was something there, he would be ready for it. He reached a hand out in front of him, groping at the air while attempting to discern his surroundings.

Another flitter of motion caught Jamie's eye and he spun wildly toward it, his dirk slicing at the shadows. His arm made contact with a dark shape and he panicked. Shouting incoherently, he jumped back and tripped over something on the floor behind him. His head struck the edge of a console on his way down to the ground.

As he lost consciousness, Jamie finally realized why this room seemed familiar.

* * *

_Perched on top of the metal cage, Jamie felt himself growing numb with shock as he watched the Knights torture the Doctor to death. After witnessing most of his family die in battle, a part of him had thought that he could never be so strongly devastated by the sight of death again. _

_Unfortunately, this moment was showing him just how foolish and misguided such a thought could be._

_Suddenly, the piper sensed that someone was approaching and glanced down to see the creature who called itself Shockeye advancing toward him. Fueled by rage and grief, Jamie jumped down and readied himself to fight. Somewhere in the back of his mind, the Scot contemplated how the Doctor would respond if he was here with him. Jamie imagined that he would be distressed to see him sliding back into the persona of a man whose life had become centered on the battlefield and who could see no other destiny for himself other than to kill as many of the enemy as possible before dying._

_But then he reminded himself that the Doctor was no longer with him and never would be again…and that was enough to wipe away any remaining qualms he might have had about becoming that person again._

_Suspecting that a direct confrontation would be a losing battle, Jamie focused on defending himself against Shockeye while looking for an opportunity to escape. Fortunately, that opportunity presented itself in the form of the woman Dastari called Chessene. She called out to Shockeye and that gave Jamie time to dash down the corridor. _

_After that, Jamie ran blindly without direction or purpose. He had failed to save the Doctor and now he wasn't sure if he could save himself._

'_You must not let them catch you.'_

_Jamie trembled, tears stinging his eyes. He didn't care what happened to him anymore, but the Doctor's words still burned in his brain, urging him on. He continued to dodge the Knights as they marched through the station, slaying everyone they found. At one point, he ducked behind a console to hide and listened as orders were barked at another line of soldiers. _

"_The Time Lord had a Tellurian with him," one of them bellowed. "The Group Marshall has ordered that he be found and killed on sight. You can identify it by its brown hair and red skirt. Once the task is completed, report immediately to the Group Marshall."_

_Jamie clenched his hands into fists, fury bubbling inside him. He didn't know why the Knights wanted him dead in particular, but he suspected that it had something to do with the Doctor. It was then that piper decided that he would not give these fiends the satisfaction of dying at their hand. No matter what, he would make sure that the Doctor would have this one final victory._

_Once the Knights had passed him by, Jamie snuck over to the room across the hall and looked for a place to hide. He noticed some large, grey cabinets along the wall and pried one of them open. Inside were rows of white shirts and jumpsuits of various colors hanging from a rod near the top. _

'_Must for the people who work here,' Jamie mused. He thought about what the Knight said and figured that a change of clothes was in order. He yanked the ascot off his neck and exchanged his shirt for one of the white ones in the cabinet. He completed the disguise by slipping out of his kilt and boots and into a tan jumpsuit and a pair of worn tennis shoes he found on the floor underneath. He stuffed his dirk into one of the pockets and shoved his clothes into the cabinet before shutting the door. _

_He was in the process of zipping up his jumpsuit when someone else rushed into the room. Jamie was about to pull his knife back out when he realized that it was not one of the Knights and instead appeared to be human like him. The man was short with light chestnut hair and was wearing a grey jumpsuit. _

_The man looked out into the hallway and then flattened himself against a wall while Jamie did the same. Another group of Knights walked by and the man waited until they had left before taking a deep breath and turning his gaze toward Jamie._

"_That was close," he said. "I thought for sure they'd catch me this time."_

"_Aye, they're e'erywhere," Jamie nodded. "And they jes keep comin'. Who are these Knights anyway?"_

"_Knights?" the man snorted. "Well, maybe that's what you call them where you're from. Back on my home-world, we just call them monsters. They massacred a whole colony of my people once just so they could set up a base for latest strike against the Rutans. Several members of my family were at that colony."_

"_I'm sorry," Jamie said. "Say, do ye think that's what they want here? To make a base?"_

"_Who knows," the man shrugged. "Their kind never needs a reason to kill. Hold on, who are you anyway? You're not one of scientists and I've never seen you among the crew."_

"_The name's Jamie, and I…I came here wit' a friend, The Doctor," Jamie said, his throat tightening around the words. "We…he came here to see a friend of his, Dastari."_

"_Professor Dastari, huh," the man said. "Now there's someone I wish I could find. He's easily the cleverest person here and if anyone could find a way out of this, it'd be him."_

"_That sounds like the Doctor," Jamie said dolefully. "Wait…ye dinna see Dastari in his office?"_

"_Nope, I checked," the man said. "There was no one there as of a few minutes ago. That's why I figured that he must have escaped somehow. Maybe the professor made it to the escape pods."_

"_Escape pods?" Jamie repeated. "Ye mean, he could have left the station?"_

"_Probably," the man said. "I was on my way there myself when more of those monsters appeared and I had to run. I've been trying to find a way around them. The name's Kanthro, by the way. I mainly do maintenance on the life support systems here at the station, but I used to be a pilot on a merchant class ship. I might be a little rusty, but I still know enough to operate those pods on manual. If you could help me get to the launching bay while those monsters are still on the station, I might be able to sneak us past their ships."_

"_Sounds good," Jamie said, pulling out his dirk. "Jes show me where we need to go and I'll help ye clear a path." _

"_Is that all you got for weapons?" Kanthro asked. "That knife?"_

"_Oh, jes ye wait and see," Jamie replied with a grimace. "I have my own business wit' these Knights. And they'll learn that it's nae so easy to kill a McCrimmon."_

"_Hey, after what they did to my family, I wouldn't mind taking out a few of them myself," Kanthro said, his voice grim. "But just the same, I think we should avoid going head to head with them if at all possible. They may be monsters, but the one thing they are good at is killing."_

_Kanthro crept over to the door and peeked out into the hallway. Then he turned back toward Jamie._

"_Right, all clear," he muttered. "We should get going now while we can. I'll lead the way." _

_Jamie nodded and started to walk toward the door when a shadow near the doorway stopped him._

"_Behind ye!" Jamie shouted. _

_Kanthro whirled around to find a Knight standing directly behind him, a blaster in his hand. The beady eyes scanned the room and widened when they caught sight of a corner of Jamie's kilt that was sticking out of one of the cabinets. _

"_You!" the Knight said, his eyes boring into Jamie's. "You're the Time Lord's Tellurian."_

_Jamie glared at the soldier, angry at himself for getting caught. The large, two-fingered claw started to tighten on the blaster when, suddenly, Kanthro flung himself at the Knight and grabbed at the weapon. The Knight managed to graze Kanthro's shoulder, but Kanthro continued to cling at its body. The piper raised his dirk and ran over to join the battle._

"_Creag an tuire!" he yelled, slashing at the thing's arm. _

_The Knight dropped the stick and green blood flowed from a long cut in its forearm. It let out a roar and shoved both of them away, slamming Kanthro onto the floor. The Knight started to crouch down to retrieve its weapon, but Jamie rushed at him again. This time he managed to drive the blade into the thing's chest, blood splattering the piper's clothes. The Knight let out another bellow and yanked the dirk out. It threw the knife to the ground and grabbed Jamie by the neck. _

"_Die, insect!" it growled as it squeezed. The Scot clawed at the huge fingers choking him, but could not budge them. He gasped for air and black spots filled his vision. _

_By this point, Kanthro had recovered and was scrambling for the Knight's blaster. However, the Knight saw what Kanthro was trying to do and reacted swiftly. It tossed Jamie aside and dived onto Kanthro, pinning him to the ground. The two of them wrestled, but soon the Knight got the upper hand. It pummeled him savagely with one of its meaty fists all over his body. Soon, Kanthro lay still and the Knight leaned over his body to snatch up its weapon._

_Coughing violently, Jamie crawled over to retrieve his knife while shaking his head to clear it. He stood up to charge at the Knight again, but the thing raised its weapon and aimed for the center of his chest._

"_And now, I shall kill you, Tellurian," he snarled. "The Group Marshall will be very pleased to hear of your death. He may even reward me with a promotion."_

_Jamie scowled. He hated the idea of the Knights winning in the end, but was otherwise unconcerned with the prospect of dying. All it meant was that he would be reunited with the Doctor that much sooner._

"_Jamie, look out!"_

_The piper was startled out of his reverie by a hoarse croak from the floor. He watched as Kanthro seized the Knight's arms and thrust the point of the blaster back toward its owner's neck just as the thing began to fire. The Knight screeched and fell to the ground, apparently dead. _

_Jamie shoved his dirk back in his pocket and knelt down next to Kanthro, who was partially pinned down by the Knight's body. The piper heaved the corpse to the side._

"_Come on," Jamie said, lifting Kanthro's shoulders off the floor. "We've got to go."_

_Kanthro shuddered and shook his head. It was then that the Scot noticed how labored his breathing was and way his body was shaking._

"_It, it's…no good," Kanthro rasped. "That…monster…he busted me up…inside. I, I can't…."_

"_Yes, ye can," Jamie insisted. "I'll help ye."_

"_No…Jamie…I, I can hardly see," Kanthro coughed, blood dribbling down his lip. "I…haven't got…."_

"_I can nae leave ye," Jamie said. "Ye…ye saved my life."_

"_I know," Kanthro said. "But…it's ok. Listen…those things...they, they were looking for you. I, I heard them say…Time Lord. Is it true? Are you…your friend…is he…?"_

"_Aye, he's a Time Lord," Jamie said, his voice cracking. "My friend, the Doctor, he…he's the cleverest, bravest man ever."_

"_Listen, Jamie," he said, grabbing Jamie's forearm. "You…you've got to get away. Those monsters…they're looking for you 'cause they…they're scared. You…you are important."_

"_No!" the piper cried out. "I'm nae. I…."_

"_You are. You must be," Kanthro interrupted. "The…the consort of…a Time Lord. Someone very special indeed. That's why you have to escape. Gallifrey…they…only ones…stop their plan. You…your friend…Stop them. Whatever it takes…you get away…stop them. Please…."_

"_I will," Jamie said. "They'll ne'er catch me." _

"_Whatever it takes," Kanthro whispered. "Whatever…."_

_Kanthro's hands released the piper's arms, and he fell limp. Seconds later, Jamie could no longer feel him breathing. He lowered Kanthro onto the floor and brushed a hand over his face to close his eyes. Then, Jamie bowed his head. _

"_I'm sorry," he murmured. He could still hear more Knights marching in the distance. The sound made his blood boil._

'_Whatever it takes…'_

_Jamie clamped his eyes shut and took several ragged breaths._

"_Aye," he muttered to himself. "Whatever it takes."_

_The piper re-opened his eyes and swallowed hard. He clasped Kanthro's shoulder for a moment before standing up and backing up toward the cabinets._

_A few minutes later, a pair of Knights walked into the room and found one of their own lying dead in the middle of the floor. Beside it was the corpse of a man with brown hair who wore a light beige shirt, leather boots, and a red kilt. They used their communicators to report that one of their comrades had 'died gloriously in battle', but had also managed to kill 'the Time Lord's Tellurian' before dying. After that, they grabbed the wrists and ankles of the dead Knight and dragged it out of the room. _

_They were so focused on their task; they did not notice that one of the grates that covered the vents was slightly bent due to it being hastily yanked back into place._

_Nor did they ever notice the sound of someone clamoring away into the interiors of the station._

* * *

Jamie groaned as he opened his eyes. A lump had formed at the back of his head. He touched it gingerly, wincing as he did so. Jamie had no idea how long he had been unconscious, but guessed that it hadn't been too long because the Voice was not threatening him yet.

He groaned again and sat up. He had to get out of this room quickly before it found him. But each time he tried to stand, dizziness overtook him and he stumbled back to his knees. During his struggle to get to his feet, he surveyed his surroundings. He was sure now that he was in the room where Kanthro had died.

And that it was his body that was lying there less than two feet in front of him.

Nausea caused his stomach lurch while fresh tears filled his eyes. He had seen plenty of bodies during his time at the station. Some appeared to have been thrown in a pile while others had been mutilated beyond recognition. Most, however, were simply strewn about like litter that was thrown aside and forgotten about. The Knights had had no regard for the dead. Jamie was not all that surprised by that idea. The way they had killed everyone at the station had told him more than enough about the evil that infused them.

"Return to your ship and leave."

Jamie's head jerked up and he shivered. The Voice had found him and would attack very soon now. He swept trembling hands along the floor until he found his knife. Then he scrambled to his feet, falling against the cabinets with a loud bang.

"Return to your ship and leave."

The piper's breathing sped up, and he brandished his knife in front of him as he backed up against the wall behind him. Motion seemed to flit in and out of his field of vision. It took several moments before he was sure that it was safe to move.

"Switching to defense alert."

The Scot put his knife away and dashed over toward the shaft opening he had used to get to this room. He tried to climb up to the vent, but couldn't get a foothold on the wall. Eventually, he was able to inch close to it, but was terrified to discover a cloud of foul-smelling mist seeping in.

Jamie immediately released his hold and fell onto the floor with a thud. He couldn't go back that way until the gas dissipated, but the piper knew that the Voice would attack him again before that happened.

He ran out of the room and down the corridor. He needed to get back into the bowels of the station and the quickest route now was through the wall panels in one of the other rooms. He remembered seeing one of those openings in the room next store and rushed over to it. Once he was there, he felt along the wall until found the panel he was looking for. He yanked the cover off and jumped into the shaft feet first.

Jamie slid downward for a number of feet before finally landing on a platform that was far below the areas he had previously explored. It took several minutes of climbing before he was in more familiar territory and could make his way back to his hiding place.

By the time he got there, tears were swimming in his eyes. He thought of Kanthro and how he had fled before tending to his remains. He briefly considered going back to care of them and was humiliated when he discovered that he simply could not bring himself to do it.

That realization forced him to confront another fact he had been trying to hide from: that he had not taken care of the Doctor's body either.

Looking back on it now, Jamie was forced to admit that he had deliberately avoided searching for the Doctor's corpse during all those times he had explored the station and was more than a little relieved that he had not discovered it so far by accident. His mind came up with all sorts of reasons for why he hadn't bothered to try: the Voice might kill him before he got away, there was no way he could give his friend a proper burial, or that he was attempting to stave off the full onset of grief in order to survive.

None of that changed the fact that he hadn't bothered to make sure that the Doctor was taken care of properly. He had been given no last rites, no memorial had been created. The most important person in his life was dead and he had done nothing to honor his memory. Instead, he had treated the Doctor like carrion, discards that were left behind for the scavengers.

The weight of that guilt brought Jamie to his knees and he wept yet again. He was sure that, if the situation were reversed, the Doctor would not have left him like that unless he had absolutely no choice. However, Jamie had had the choice…and he had chosen to run from this last duty.

Eventually, the tears stopped, and at last, Jamie began to sing. His voice was low and dolorous. He poured every feeling, every memory he had of the Doctor into his songs. He sang until his voice began to give out. When he was finished, Jamie came to the conclusion that the dead had no more need for his words.

And so, from this point on, Jamie McCrimmon would have no more use for words either.


	5. Twelve days

Author's Note: Next chapter. Sorry about the lack of additional updates last week. I had forgotten about the holiday weekend and thus, internet time was severely limited. Also, while I hope to have more up this week, I might be a touch erratic with updates for a bit because I will be working on my (sadly) neglected Parallax fic and am in the process of writing a short birthday tribute fic for Colin Baker whose birthday is coming up soon. It'll be in the same style as my recent Patrick Troughton tribute fic, so I hope my readers will enjoy it.

So, fingers crossed. Hopefully my muse will be a little more cooperative these next few days...

I do not own Doctor Who or any of its characters.

Thank you to everyone who is reading/following/favoriting/reviewing this. It is always appreciated.

Chapter Five

"_Jamie, hand me that spanner, will you?"_

_Jamie scanned the pile of tools lying on the floor next to where he was sitting for a moment before finding what he was looking for and handing it to the Doctor. _

"_Here ye are, Doctor," he said, handing over the requested item. The two of them were on the floor of the console room. The Doctor was lying on his stomach among a mess of wires under the central column while Jamie sat beside him. _

"_What are ye tryin' to do anyway?" the piper asked._

"_A lot of things actually," the Doctor chuckled. "There are some faults in these wires that need fixing. And while I was down here, I thought I'd have a look at the navigational control."_

_Jamie snorted which prompted the Doctor to turn and raise an eyebrow at him._

"_And what was that for?"_

"_Ye're tryin' to fix the steering again," Jamie said with a smirk. "But ye already know that that'll ne'er work. I don' know why ye keep tryin'."_

"_My word, you are getting as bad as Ben and Polly. Now listen, Jamie, the TARDIS…."_

"_Och, ye already told me all aboot that," Jamie said with a wave of his hand. "But I think TARDIS has a mind of its own, and ye're ne'er going to be able to control it. Nae completely."_

_The Doctor sat the spanner down and propped his head up on his forearm. The frown he initially had in response to Jamie's remarks had faded into a more thoughtful expression._

"_I suppose that is possible," he murmured. "The TARDIS is far more than just a machine, you know. Yes, it's very possible that we are traveling at the mercy of her whims."_

"_So we'll ne'er know where we'll end up next then," Jamie nodded._

"_Perhaps," the Doctor said, his face lighting up into a grin. "But that's half the fun, isn't it?"_

"_Ye sure that's always so great? Don' ye ever worry aboot where ye'll end up?" _

"_Nope," the Doctor replied cheerily. "Traveling has its own rewards regardless of destination." _

"_Like what?"_

_The Doctor turned his face back toward him. Jamie noted that his grin had grown even wider. _

"_The company I've been privileged to keep," he said. _

"_Aye, Doctor," Jamie replied with a grin of his own. "Tis the same for me."_

* * *

"_Are you feeling any better now, Jamie?" _

"_Aye, a little," Jamie said, his reply punctuated with a cough. "Doctor, when can we get out of here?"_

"_Very soon, I hope," the Doctor replied. "Zoe was able to use the Bolshel's computers to find where the TARDIS landed after materializing out of that sinkhole. Some of the soldiers have already left to retrieve it." _

"_Good," Jamie scowled. "'Cause I've had all I can stand of this place."_

"_Oh, it's not so bad," the Doctor said. "Bolshel hospitality is actually quite nice once one has a chance to take advantage of it."_

"_Ye weren't the one stuck in prison," the piper said, his scowl deepening. "Try spendin' a week in one of those wee cells and see if ye still think it's so nice."_

"_I suppose you do have a point there," the Doctor chuckled. "Although, Rassilon knows, if I ever have to spend even one more minute with those idiotic navigating computers, I'll go mad."_

"_As if we'd be able to tell the difference," Jamie said, rolling his eyes. Then the piper pushed his blankets aside._

"_What are you doing?" the Doctor asked._

"_I told ye, I'm sick of this place," Jamie snapped. "Of lying around here. Of all this."_

_Jamie sat up and swung his legs over the side of the bed. He was about to stand up when he was struck with another coughing fit. Prickly heat created beads of sweat on his brow. Woozy, he slumped forward and would have fallen off the bed if it weren't for the Doctor catching him at the last minute. _

"_Jamie, I understand that you're frustrated, but you need to stop being so obstinate," the Doctor chided as his guided Jamie to lie back down. "Now, I agree with the physicians here that this illness you contracted while imprisoned does not appear to be serious. However, I also agree with their assessment that it could become serious if you don't follow their instructions. And part of that means getting as much rest as possible."_

_Jamie frowned again and was about to protest when a chill raced through him, causing him to shiver violently. _

"_Jamie?"_

"_S-so c-c-old," the piper chattered. "C-can, c-can nae…."_

_The Doctor covered him with another blanket and placed a hand on the Scot's forehead._

"_Your fever has risen again," he said, worry creasing his brow. "I'm going to fetch one of those physicians."_

"_No!" Jamie cried, grabbing the Doctor's arm. "P-please. Don' go."_

"_It's all right, Jamie," the Doctor assured him. "I shan't be more than a few minutes."_

"_No," the piper repeated, tightening his grip. "It's jes…I was alone, in t-that cell. All t-the time. I, I don'…I don' w-want to be…."_

_The Doctor let out a sigh and extracted himself from the piper's grip. Jamie was certain that he would leave, and was surprised when instead he leaned over to yank a cord near the bed. Seconds later, a woman dressed in violet robes appeared._

"_My Lord," the woman said with a curtsey. _

"_Oh, bother, do stop doing that," the Doctor sighed. "Anyway, my friend's fever has worsened. Please summon one of the physicians."_

"_At once, my Lord," the woman said, bowing as she left the room. The Doctor shook his head before turning back to Jamie with a look of concern on his face. _

"_Now then, Jamie," the Doctor said. "I'll stay with you, but you need to promise me that you'll remain in bed and rest."_

_Jamie nodded and the Doctor pulled the blankets up to his shoulders before sitting down on a chair next to the bed. He gently brushed damp locks of hair off the piper's forehead while Jamie's eyes drifted shut._

"_Doctor," he slurred. "Thank ye." _

"_You're welcome, Jamie."_

* * *

"_Come here Jamie. I've got something to show you."_

_Jamie walked over to the Doctor, who was grinning and motioning toward the TARDIS doors._

"_What is it?" the piper asked. _

"_Just watch," the Doctor said. He backed up to flick the control switch for the doors and they swung open to reveal the landscape outside._

"_Well," the Doctor said, holding up his hands. "What do you think of that?"_

_Jamie walked outside with the Doctor following close behind. They appeared to be on a beach of cornflower-blue sand with aquamarine water lapping at the shore. Craggy, white rocks loomed in the distance. _

"_It's verra blue," Jamie said. _

"_Yes, yes," the Doctor said impatiently. "Anything else?"_

"_It's a bit nippy."_

"_That's to be expected seeing as how both of the suns are setting. But look closer, Jamie and tell me what you see."_

_The piper walked around in a tight circle, surveying the scene around him silently for a full minute._

"_Yon tide is gettin' closer," he finally replied. "It'll up to the TARDIS for sure if we stay here tae long."_

"_Oh Jamie, why do you always focus on things like that?" the Doctor huffed._

"_Well, one of us has to," Jamie chuckled. "It's nae like ye'll be the one noticing them."_

"_All right, all right," the Doctor said. "But right now, I want you to look up at the sky."_

_Jamie shrugged his shoulders and turned his gaze upward. For a moment, he couldn't discern what it was he was supposed to notice. But as the last rays of sunlight sank below the horizon and the stars winked into view, the piper could not shake the feeling that there was something familiar about the sight he was seeing. _

_All of the sudden, it finally registered, and Jamie's mouth dropped open._

"_Doctor!" he gasped. "The sky…those stars…It's jes like the night skies o'er the Highlands. It's jes like Scotland!"_

"_Yes, it's quite the coincidence, isn't it?" the Doctor laughed as he moved closer to him. "I remember thinking the same thing the first time I visited this planet a number of years ago. Mind you, it's not a perfect match. There are one or two constellations that are somewhat different compared to the ones orbiting your planet. But still, a remarkable similarity nevertheless." _

_Jamie continued to gaze up at the sky, enraptured by sight above him._

"_It's so beautiful," he breathed. The Doctor clasped his shoulder._

"_When I realized where we had landed, I knew that you wouldn't want to miss this," the Doctor said quietly. "How about we sit over here for a while and enjoy the view?"_

_The Doctor tugged Jamie's sleeve and led them over to a dune fringed with silver grass. They plopped down and stretched out onto their backs. _

"_But Doctor," Jamie said. "The TARDIS…."_

"_It's all right, Jamie," the Doctor said. "The TARDIS is perfectly capable of floating, remember?"_

"_Oh aye," Jamie nodded as he went back to focusing on the sky. "Doctor."_

"_Hmmm?"_

"_Thank ye," the piper said. "For bringin' me here…showing me this."_

"_You're welcome, Jamie," the Doctor said. "I know it's no substitute for your home, but, I was hoping that maybe, you could…."_

"_Ye're right, it's nae home," Jamie cut in. "But that does nae matter."_

"_Jamie, I…."_

"_No, let me finish," Jamie insisted. "I know ye wanted to show me this 'cause I've been a bit low after this last bit o' CIA gabble we did. And ye're wonderin' if I'm sorry that I left Scotland to travel wit' ye again. Well, I won' lie and say I never miss it 'cause I do. Jes like I did the first time. But that does nae change the fact that my place is here. No matter what happens, I'll ne'er regret the choice I made. So, stop worrin' o'er it, ye daft man."_

_The piper looked over to see the Doctor's eyes shine with a mix of emotions, both happy and sad. In the end, a warm regard was the one that won out, and the Doctor coughed as he turned his face back toward the stars._

"_Hmph, hairy-legged Highlander," he grumbled under his breath. _

_Jamie laughed and crossed his arms behind his head. The stars were even brighter now and the piper felt a sense of calm fill him._

"_Doctor, I…."_

_A blue light halted Jamie's words and he held a hand out in front of him to shield his eyes from the brightness._

* * *

_When Jamie opened them again, he found that he was no longer on a beach staring at the sky. He was back at Space Station Chimera._

_And the Doctor was back in the tall, glass tube, writhing as he was being tortured to death._

"_Doctor!" the piper cried, rushing over to the transparent column. He banged his fists against its walls and tried using his dirk on it, but nothing, not even a crack, appeared._

_He eventually gave up and watched, horrified, as the Doctor let out another mute scream. Unable to look at him any longer, Jamie whirled around, his dirk still in his hand._

"_Let him go!" he yelled. "Ye hear me? Let him go! If ye want to fight someone, fight me. I will nae run. Well? Come on then!"_

_Jamie crouched down into a defensive position, his eyes darting around the room. He blinked hard when he noticed that the blue light had faded and turned around again to see that the Doctor had vanished._

"_No…No!" he screamed. "Bring him back! Doctor?! Doctor, where are ye?"_

_But there was no answer. Jamie paced around the room. His throat tightened as a sob crept into his breathing._

"_Cowards!" he shouted. "Murderers! Why won' ye face me?"_

"_You…shall…join…us." _

_Startled, Jamie nearly dropped his knife as he looked around the room frantically, trying to find the source of the voice he had heard._

"_Where are ye?" he demanded. "Show yerself."_

_For a moment, there was only silence. Then, Jamie heard the shuffling of feet. _

"_You…shall…join…us."_

_The shadows parted, and the piper's eyes widened at what he saw._

_There in front of him were the faces of the dead. The faces of those who had been slaughtered by the Knights. They walked in unison, a slow, clumsy pace. Their eyes were soulless, without light, and they were fixed on Jamie._

_The Scot let out a whimper and backed away. Some of the faces looked human, others looked like nothing he could ever imagine coming from Earth. But all of them shared the same marks of battle and decomposition. _

_Each of them raised an arm and pointed at Jamie. Suddenly, the gathering parted, and the piper gasped as Kanthro moved to stand in front of them all, his arm also raised._

"_You…shall…join…us," he said in the same flat voice._

_The crowd moved even closer, and Jamie looked for a way to escape, but could find none. Gradually, he was backed against the wall and he slid down to the floor. Hands were spread wide as they reached for him._

"_No! No!" Jamie screamed. "Go away! Keep away from me!"_

"_Doctor!"_

* * *

As he opened his eyes, Jamie touched his cheek and noted that it was wet. He only slept when he was too exhausted to keep his eyes open. It was dreams like the one he had just had that discouraged him from getting any substantial rest.

'_They weren't all nightmares…were they? Some of it was almost like…like a memory…. A memory of the Before….'_

Jamie gritted his teeth and slammed his fist against his blankets. No, no he would not think about that. He would not think about the Before, a time when he was free and had traveled to faraway worlds. Nor would he think of the Doctor, the fey little man who professed to care for him with all his hearts. They were just fragments of wistful dreams. That time was gone, never to return, and James Robert McCrimmon was just an idea that had outlived its usefulness.

Now was a different time: the Time of the Dead. And he was one of them. The only difference was that he continued to move while they had succumbed to the inevitable decay. But it would not be long, no it would not be long, before he would join their ranks. Just as they had foretold.

Jamie tore open one of his few remaining packets of water with his teeth and drank the liquid inside. He couldn't remember when he had last eaten. There were scattered bits and bones lying about, evidence that he had consumed something at some point. But he could not place when that had happened. Most thoughts were not tangible enough to make a lasting impression on his mind anymore. Besides, the fact that he hadn't found any food for a while mattered very little.

Hunger, time, music, light, words, life…all these things were meaningless here. Fate had made this tomb his home, his entire world. Death was the single truth that Jamie could still believe in.

The Scot rose to his feet and began his unsteady march. His mind was usually a blank while he walked. It was a hard struggle to find a purpose to it, but eventually, the epiphany came to him. He walked among the dead because it was what he deserved. He had let the Doctor die, and thus, it was his punishment to exist as a specter until his penance was complete. Even though there was often no goal to his wanderings, he would lurk in the shadows and among the phantasms that haunted this place because it was his duty to do so.

Jamie crept into one of the vents. The Voice had not spoken for a long time, but he dared not wake it up. He made sure to stay hidden in the innards of the station. Not even restocking his water supply was enough of an incentive to compel him to risk going into the station's corridors and rooms.

After crawling through several ducts and climbing along the few passageways, Jamie paused and perched on one of the ladders to take a break. He mulled over which direction he should take next when, suddenly, a distant sound reached his ears. It was faint, but familiar to him.

It was a sound Jamie thought he would never hear again: the sound of time unraveling and releasing its passengers out of the vortex.

'_It…it cannae…. It cannae be….'_

Jamie's heart leapt into his throat, and he dashed toward that sound. His brain was working hard to remind him that he couldn't have heard what he thought he had heard. The TARDIS had disappeared minutes after he and the Doctor had arrived. The only way it could return was if the Doctor had used the recall gadget he had stuffed in his pocket before leaving, and that was impossible.

Or was it? Had the Doctor found a way to escape after all? Had he finally come to save him from this nightmare? Jamie doubted it, but he was also well aware that the Doctor was an expert at making the seemingly impossible possible. Either way, he had to know.

The piper climbed up to the ducts that led to the kitchen and crouched near the grate covering a vent near the ceiling. He goggled at the sight of the battered, blue box that he had known as home for many years. For one brief moment, he felt the tiniest tremors of hope beginning to stir inside him.

However, that hope was immediately shattered when the doors opened and two figures stepped out. One was a tall, burly man with golden curls and a suit of numerous clashing colors. Beside him was a petite brunette whose shiny blouse and blue shorts showed off her figure. The man closed the TARDIS door behind him, walked around the kitchen for a few moments and then took off down the corridor with the woman following close behind.

'_I should have known,' _the piper thought bitterly. '_It's nae the Doctor. It's some another Time Lord. Prolly here to see why we hadn't reported back yet.'_

Jamie's lips curled into a snarl. The Time Lords were the ones who had forced the Doctor to come here. They were the ones who had taken the TARDIS away. They didn't care about what happened to the Doctor. All they cared about was the mission and the only thing they would concern themselves with was why it had gone wrong.

The Scot balled his hands up into fists. Jamie was sure that, if the Time Lords found him, they would probably rescue him from this place. But he was also certain that they would strip him of his memories and dump him back on Earth. There would be no choices, no compassion, only a cold, perfunctory interrogation before they robbed him of everything he had become during his years of traveling and of his memories of the Doctor.

Soon, Jamie felt the slow-burning anger that had rose up inside him turn into rage. The fact that they had used the Doctor's TARDIS to come here and investigate was, in Jamie's mind, a mockery of the man who it rightly belonged to. The Time Lords were showing their contempt for the Doctor yet again and were dishonoring his legacy further by using his precious time ship to catalog his last mission.

A feral growl of fury rumbled in the back of Jamie's throat. He would not let them catch him. He would not let them take away from this place. Even though Jamie knew that he was sentencing himself to a prolonged, horrific death in a grave, he would not let the Time Lords dictate his destiny again.

He had always sensed that he meant less than nothing in the eyes of the Time Lords, and now he had become the nothing they had accused him of being. And being nothing meant that Jamie would have nothing more to do with life beyond this place. He would follow these agents while they performed their investigations, but he would remain a shadow. He would keep his distance…but if they tried to intrude on his exile with the dead, he would make sure that they paid for their intrusion.

Decision made, Jamie climbed along the passageways and tracked them by the sound of their voices. The Scot figured that the Voice would probably awaken soon and wondered if it would destroy them the same way it had tried to destroy him more than once.

If that happened, it mattered little. This was the Time of the Dead, and Jamie could not see how two more additions to its ranks would make any difference.


	6. Discovery

Author's Note: Next chapter. Sorry that it took me so long to update this, but new chapters should be coming along at a little faster pace for at least the rest of this week and probably next.

I do not own Doctor Who or any of its characters.

Thank you to everyone who is reading/following/favoriting/reviewing this. It is always appreciated.

Chapter Six

The Doctor stood and peered into the darkness for a moment before regaining his bearings and silently motioning for Peri to follow him.

* * *

_As soon as he caught a glimpse of Space Station Chimera on the TARDIS scanner, he knew that something was wrong. For some reason, his memories of it had abruptly become decidedly vague, possibly a side effect of mind-slip he had recently suffered. However, he could still recall with confidence that the station had not looked anything like this. The brilliantly lit spires that framed the main structure were dim and had crumbled. Debris from the main structure was floating around it. Even from this distance, the Doctor could tell that many of the stations systems were either shut down or running on emergency power. _

"_Doctor, what happened?" Peri asked him. _

"_I, I don't know," the Doctor said, his tone stunned. "Some sort of disaster from the look of it."_

"_It's so dark," Peri added. "Do you think there are any survivors?"_

"_I don't know that either," the Doctor said. "But I intend to find out."_

_The Doctor managed to direct the TARDIS into the heart of the station and materialized in what looked like the main kitchen. After checking to see if the atmosphere and gravity controls were still working, he opened the door and stepped outside with Peri close behind him. He was immediately assaulted by the stench of decay._

"_Oh Doctor, it's foul," Peri gasped. _

_The Doctor couldn't help but agree with her. Unfortunately, his travels had taken him to the site of more than one massacre and all of his instincts told him that he had found another one. He glanced around and spotted the wrinkled remains of a variety of fruits and vegetables. Given their advanced state of decomposition, he guessed that it had been days since whatever happened had happened. The fact that so much food had been left untouched diminished the likelihood of finding survivors._

"_I feel sick," Peri said, putting a hand to her stomach. _

_The Doctor sympathized. He remembered the time he and Susan had stumbled onto the battlegrounds of Truku after one of their bloodier scrimmages. The aromas he had run across there were much like the ones here. Both he and Susan had found it difficult to stop themselves from vomiting. However, he knew that part of what was making both of them sick was the spectacle of mindless slaughter. Although they knew that the Time Lords had faced battles and wars in the past, it had been centuries since any of them had had any exposure to fighting on this scale. To this day, he regretted his granddaughter seeing something like that so early in their travels._

_He put his hand onto Peri's shoulder. In the months that she had been traveling with him, she had seen many terrible things. The Doctor sometimes thought that seeing all this evil and destruction might have a detrimental effect on her psyche. However, when he broached the subject of returning her to Earth, Peri always objected. He often worried that she was staying with him at this point out of obligation, but he was also aware that Peri was the type of person who needed to make up her own mind about the course her life would take. Even if that meant facing uncomfortable situations. _

"_I think you'll feel a good deal sicker before we leave," he said. _

_Peri nodded and the Doctor wondered if she realized the full implication of his words. True, he anticipated finding more bodies and the smell growing worse in some sections, but he also suspected that they would find evidence pointing toward the malicious force behind this._

* * *

Peri stumbled, and the Doctor held out his arm so she could steady herself. Navigating through the innards of the station was turning out to be more challenging than he had anticipated.

"Doctor, are you sure you know where we're going?" she asked.

"Of course, I'm sure," he replied. "You saw how enormous this station is on the TARDIS' scanner. The fact that it's taking us a while to get to the central juncture shouldn't come as a surprise to you."

"I guess not," Peri shrugged. "Still, doesn't it seem like we've passed this way before?"

"Nonsense," the Doctor said with a wave of his hand. "It's just the normal uniformity that you would expect in these passageways."

"Yes Doctor," Peri sighed as she trudged along.

The Doctor nodded and turned his gaze back in front of him. Truthfully, he did suspect that they may have made more than one wrong turn on their journey, but he hadn't wanted to tell Peri that. So far, she had handled the carnage on the station better than most might be expected to. However, he also guessed that the implications behind it all had not completely sunk into her mind.

'_Whoever did this is still out there,' _he mused. '_And I suspect that it won't stop here. Anyone who could callously murder unarmed people who posed no threat would not be satisfied with this. If only I knew what it was they were trying to achieve.'_

The Doctor frowned and pressed on. He didn't want to add to Peri's worries so he kept that and the fact that they were definitely taking the 'scenic route' to get to the control center to himself. Besides, he was certain now that he was on the right track and didn't see the point in dwelling on past mistakes.

"Ouch!"

The Doctor turned around to see Peri clutching her leg.

"Peri, are you all right?" he said as he carefully bent down to get a closer look.

"I'm fine," she huffed. "I caught my leg on the side of that metal frame. I think I just scrapped off a couple layers of skin there."

"Yes," he replied as he stood back up. "Still, you're not bleeding and I doubt it will even leave a bruise. Nothing to worry about."

"Oh sure," Peri said. "Nothing to worry about…aside from the fact that we're lost in these pipes and there's a computer on the other side of these walls trying to kill us."

"We're not lost," the Doctor insisted. "How many times do I have to tell you that?"

"And how many times do we have to pass this same wobbly platform?" Peri said, kicking at the platform next to her with her foot for emphasis.

"Well that…that doesn't mean anything," the Doctor said. "The station's old. There are bound to be a few places where the framework is a little wobbly. Now, come on."

Peri rolled her eyes, but let the matter drop. The Doctor had hoped that she wouldn't notice that platform and was disappointed when she did. Nevertheless, having figured out the pattern he was missing in his explorations, he was confident that they would not be passing by it again.

The Doctor bent his head down to avoid a series of low beams. Upon reflection, he knew the real reason why he had gotten lost down here in the first place. It wasn't due to the complexity of the layout or his occasionally shaky sense of direction he had had to deal with ever since his latest regeneration. The truth was, he was still disturbed that all the evidence pointed at the Time Lords being the perpetrators of this atrocity.

"_Perhaps they thought that the ends justified the means. Isn't that always the excuse for something really bad?"_

Peri's words continued to reverberate in his brain. If the time experiments being conducted here really were threatening the fabric of time, the results could have disastrous results for the universe. This certainly would have caught the attention of the Time Lords. It would have been taken seriously as a menace that would have to be dealt with at all costs. The stakes would have been considered much too high to stick to their normal neutrality. However, that led to the question of whether or not the Time Lords would view the lives of everyone at this station as acceptable losses to preserve the time lines.

'_No! I still don't believe it. There are so many other ways that they could have taken care of this if they had wanted to. Ways that don't involve the deaths of dozens of innocent people. After all, Time Lords are not exactly lacking in subtle, devious methods to achieve their goals.' _

The Doctor ground his jaw. He knew that it was foolish to act as if the Time Lords were above staining their hands with blood. He had studied the history of his people, including all those parts that were never discussed aloud and that many would prefer to sweep under the rug. There had been more than one dark time in Gallifrey's history and it was not impossible to think that the powers they held could lead them astray again. He knew that no civilization was immune to the irrationality that arose from desperation and that pragmatism could be used as an excuse to avoid confronting pesky issues like the sanctity of life.

He paused and turned around to make sure Peri was still keeping pace with him before resuming his journey. By this point, he was a little confused himself as to why he had felt such a strong need to defend the Time Lords. After all, he knew from personal experience how ruthless they could be and how corrupt the system could become. Even though his memories of his time working for the CIA were severely fragmented with numerous gaps, he was still able to remember enough to know that the Time Lords could be quite callous when it came to the fate of lives other than their own. So why did it bother him so much to think that they could be responsible?

The Doctor narrowed his eyes and frowned even more. Deep down, he knew the answer to that question even though he did not relish facing it. Conceding that the Time Lords could have been responsible for this was the same as admitting that, despite his vehement protests to the contrary, his people were still more than capable of great violence.

Violence not unlike what he had inflicted on Peri shortly after regenerating.

The Doctor ducked again and was just barely able to keep his foot from slipping into the space between the bars. The fact that he still did not remember what he had done to Peri was absolutely no comfort to him. If anything, it was worse in a way because it meant that he would never know what had driven him to such a state. Even more troubling to him was the fact that he clearly had had the potential to act this way all along and had never fully acknowledged this darker, vicious streak in his nature.

Then again, was that entirely true either? As much as he detested aggression and avoided conflict whenever possible, he had played a part in the destruction of others in the past. People, societies and even entire worlds had fallen due to his intervention. And not all of those lives lost were ones who had been the architects of their own fate. The only crime some of those people had committed was being at the wrong place at the wrong time.

The Doctor sighed and shook his head. Regenerations meant far more than just gaining a new body. It also meant a change in personality, a redistributing of traits into new combinations and proportions. The last days of his previous incarnation had been a potent reminder of the evil that existed in many parts of the universe and had had an undeniable effect on how he had turned out this time around. Although it was unusual to remember anything from during the regenerative process, he could still recall how fervently he longed to find a way to fight against the darkness that seemed to surround him at that point.

Thus, why it was such a bitter irony to him that one of the first things he did was attack the very person he had sacrificed himself to save.

The Doctor scrambled up a ladder and held out his hand to help Peri. Such questions and quandaries would have to be dealt with at another time. For now, he would have to satisfy himself with the belief that his intuition was right in this situation. No matter what he might think of the Time Lords' potential for malevolence, the fact remained that they were rarely so idiotic as to leave such obvious clues to their guilt behind. That along with the brutally used in these murders were enough to convince the Doctor that he was not wrong to question the theory that was being conveniently laid out for them.

"It would help if we could see," Peri complained.

"Ah, can't be much further," he replied.

At least, he hoped that it wouldn't be. He wasn't sure how much longer Peri's patience or her stamina would hold out. For that matter, he was a bit doubtful of his own ability to persevere in this search if a sign that it was ending didn't present itself soon.

"What is all this stuff anyway?" Peri asked.

The Doctor smiled. Even though he was sure that it hadn't been her intention, he was grateful that Peri had given him the chance to distract himself with something that was close to his hearts: the ingenuity that often arose when creativity was combined with the science of engineering. He started to explain the concept of fluidic streams and how they were similar to other forms of technology she would be more familiar with. So great was his concentration on the circuits in his hands, he hadn't noticed that Peri wasn't really listening to him anymore until she had tried to interrupt him more than once.

"What?" he finally retorted, his tone revealing his irritation.

"I thought I heard something," Peri replied. "I was trying to listen, but you kept on talking."

The Doctor bristled even more at that answer. He knew that he shouldn't expect Peri to always understand what he was talking about, but that did not lessen the frustration he felt when she seemed uninterested at learning anything he could teach her.

"I was imparting a little information," he added. "If you ask a question, you should listen to the answer, my girl. Otherwise you will gain absolutely no benefit from my company. It's the province of knowledge to speak and the privilege of wisdom to listen."

"Privilege?" Peri said, her voice tight with barely restrained annoyance. "I can't tell you how privileged I feel having half-frozen and asphyxiated and cooked and then forced to climb through miles of pipe."

The Doctor wiped his hands quietly and let her rant. He was positive that many of the companions he had had in the past would have rebelled before now and was secretly pleased at the resilience she had shown thus far. Still, he knew that nothing would be gained if they wallowed in their irritations for too long.

"Good," he said cheerfully. "Because we have about another mile to go. Come on."

Peri glared at him, but seemed game enough to continue. That changed a second later when she cried out and clutched at the metal framework with trembling hands.

"I, I heard it again," she said. "There's something down here with us."

"That's not possible you're imagining it," he insisted.

But that hadn't been enough for Peri. She seemed reluctant to move one step farther until he could come up with a satisfactory reply to her fears.

"Hydraulics," he said off-handedly.

"What?"

"Well some of these pumping systems are very old," he continued. "There's bound to be the odd wheeze."

Another snarl, much louder this time, rose up from the shadows, freezing both of them in place.

"Well it's the most vicious pump I've ever heard," Peri said, her voice unsteady.

"There's something down here with us, Peri," he said, glancing around. Now, why hadn't he noticed this before? Had the aftermath of events at the station and his own concerns really distracted him that much? He would have to be much more careful from this point on.

"I wouldn't worry about it," he said as he continued his search for the control center.

"You wouldn't worry about some creature lurking nearby that sounded like that?" Peri asked, incredulous.

"It's probably just a specimen from one of the labs that managed to escape during the chaos," the Doctor said. "Poor thing. It probably got lost in these passageways and now it doesn't know what to do with itself. I imagine it's more scared of us than we are of it."

"Really?" Peri said. "Then it must a quivering mass of nerves huddled up on the floor by now."

"Exactly," the Doctor said. "So you see, nothing to worry about. Come on."

Peri let out a loud sigh and followed, making sure to stay even closer to him. Now that he was aware of another presence in the infrastructure with them, the Doctor reached out with his senses to see if he could detect what might be following them.

'_Yes…doesn't seem like there's too much in the way of ill intent,' _he thought to himself. '_More like…fear. Fear mixed with a great deal of confusion. A shame, really. More than likely, it just wants the security it had before.'_

The Doctor spied the mechanisms he had been looking for and let out a cry of triumph. It wouldn't take him long to disable the computer and then they could climb out of these wretched corridors. As he fiddled with the controls, Peri was talking about seeing something on a lower level, but he was only half-listening. Whatever it was that had piqued her interest could wait.

It was far more important that he fix this computer before anything else of note could happen.


	7. Awakening

Author's Note: Next chapter. I hope to have some updates on my other stories soon. For now, I hope my readers will enjoy these faster updates for this one. :)

I do not own Doctor Who or any of its characters.

Thank you to everyone who is reading/following/favoriting/reviewing this. It is always appreciated.

Chapter Seven

Drifting on the edge of a dreamless sleep, Jamie soon realized that he did not want to wake up.

* * *

_He had followed the two strangers into the service passageways of the station. He couldn't make out everything they were saying, but what little he did pick up confirmed his suspicions that they were investigating what had happened on Chimera. Instead of being pleased at being proved right, that revelation made him even angrier. Thus, there were times when Jamie wasn't able to stop himself from growling out of his hated for them. _

_Still, Jamie attempted to hold back his rage as much as he could. He was pretty sure that the strangers had heard him a couple times, but fortunately, they had dismissed the sounds they heard for ambient noise. The last thing he wanted was to be discovered prematurely, so he sank back into the darkness whenever they paused to look for him. _

_Although he was not consciously aware of it, his steadily increasing anger was clouding his already fragile mind. It had been sapping away what little sanity he had left ever since he had seen the TARDIS return to Chimera with those people inside. Previously, he had wanted to avoid a confrontation, but as they advanced deeper into the station and closer to where he had been living for an unknowable amount of time, Jamie felt his desire to lash out at them strengthen._

_The final straw had come when he spied the woman poking about in his stash of food and water. Now they would know that there was someone still alive here and they would hunt him down until they caught him. His memories would be wiped away again and he'd thrown back into the hell of Culloden once more. Unable to hold back his rage any longer, the piper snuck up behind the woman and pounced on her. If he had been in his right mind, Jamie would be appalled at the thought of his attacking an unarmed woman. But his right mind had been absent for quite a while._

_He snarled again as he struggled to subdue her, unsure of what he planned to do with her once he did. He thought he was close to achieving his goal when, suddenly, the woman thrust her body backwards, knocking his head into the metal pipes behind him. _

_His last thought before he lost consciousness was the hope that this blow would be a fatal one so he could finally be free of this nightmare._

* * *

Jamie moaned and shifted his position on his blanket. Consciousness was returning to him very slowly, and the piper was startled at how coherent his thoughts were becoming. It was as if he had emerged from a dense fog of black, shapeless horrors into the clear, kind sunlight. He still couldn't remember much about what had happened between when he first hid in the inner workings of the station and what happened right before he had hit his head. He did, however, have some vague recollections of when he regained his senses afterward.

But they were even more confused than most of his inner ranting that he had suffered through not so long ago.

* * *

_When he opened his eyes, Jamie had immediately been petrified. He was lying on his back, and there, crouched on either side of him, were the strangers who had brought the TARDIS back to the station._

'_No! No! They've caught me! Now they're goin' to take me back to Gallifrey and take my memories away.'_

'_Then the Doctor will be gone forever.'_

_The piper tried to get away from them, yelling for them to keep away and to let him go. However, by this point, he was so weak from lack of food, water and sufficient rest, he wasn't able to do much more than squirm about. His words sounded like nothing more than the pathetic jabbering of a madman even to his ears._

_His struggles abruptly ceased when the man stabbed a pair of needles into his neck. At the back of his mind, Jamie recognized them as something the Time Lord medics had used on him once before when he had been poisoned during a CIA mission and had started to convulse. He remembered lying on the examination table while the Doctor looked down at him with sad, anxious eyes and held his hand. _

_In fact…it was just like the way this man, the one with the golden curls and colorful clothes, was with him now. It was the very same mix of emotions in the glint of his blue-green eyes and the same sort of touch as he held onto one of the piper's wrists. _

"_I seem to remember I was always rather fond of Jamie."_

_That voice, there was something so odd about the man's voice. It was the voice of a stranger and yet there was a familiar feel to it beneath the surface. Somehow, he knew this person, despite never meeting him before. In fact, if he didn't know better, it almost seemed as if…._

'_No,' he told himself. 'It cannae be the Doctor. The Doctor does nae look anything like that. Besides, the Doctor, he's…he's….'_

_Jamie let his eyes slid shut as the paralysis took hold. Whoever this man was, the piper was absolutely certain that he must be a Time Lord. A surprisingly caring Time Lord at that. Jamie thought that perhaps this man might even care about what happened to the Doctor._

"_Doctor," he slurred out. "They…killed…the Doctor…."_

_Over and over again he repeated that one idea. It had been the only true thing he had been able to focus on for all the countless hours he had been trapped in this tomb. At one point, the woman put her hand on his shoulder and tried to tell him that she was his friend, but even that drifted away before it could take hold in his brain._

"_He seems very sure of that."_

_The Scot's brow crinkled slightly as he let his words trail off. Why did that statement sound like a question? It was as if this Time Lord didn't understand how the Doctor could be dead. He had seen it with his own eyes. Hadn't they found the body yet? _

_Jamie flinched at that thought. He knew that the Doctor should receive a proper set of last rites, but a part of him still did not want to be confronted with the sight of his dearest friend's corpse._

_Before he could say anything else, the man walked over and knelt down beside him again while pulling out a pocket watch on a long chain. The Time Lord encouraged him to look at it and Jamie began to panic again. He had seen the Doctor use the exact same method to hypnotize people. Jamie was sure that that was what this man was going to try to do. _

'_I should have known. He's goin' to put me under and then they can send me back to Gallifrey without a fuss.'_

_The piper tried to resist the lure of the swinging watch, turning his face away as best he could given the paralyzing needles still in his neck. But in the end, he wasn't able to stop himself from looking at it. It didn't help that this man seemed to know just the right tone and cadence to use in his voice to lull him into a pliable stupor. _

_Then, he had one of the strangest dreams he had had in a while. _

_He dreamed that the Doctor was speaking to him, asking him about what had happened at the station. His voice, however, was a distorted mixture of his normal voice and the voice of the stranger who had hypnotized him. As Jamie answered all the questions the Doctor put to him, he noted that there were differences from his usual demeanor and yet he was still instantly recognizable as the Doctor in his thoughts. It was almost as if there were two Doctors who had merged into one person, each of whom was trying to communicate with him. _

_However, telling the Doctor about what had happened was drawing all the terror and grief he had felt during the massacre back into the forefront of his mind. His heart raced. Hysteria was seeping back into his tone as the sight of the Doctor dying in agony flashed in front of his eyes for the umpteenth time._

"_They killed the Doctor!" he cried out, bolting upright. "I saw it!"_

_A cool, gentle hand touched his brow while another one gingerly pushed him to lay back down. _

"_It's all right, Jamie," he heard the Doctor say. "Now sleep…sleep."_

_The memories of so many other nights when the Doctor had comforted him after a bad dream or had stayed by his side while he recovered from some injury or illness filled his brain with a soothing warmth. And then, just like that, he felt peace for the first time since the Doctor told him to run. He fell into a deep slumber, restorative at last and free of nightmares._

* * *

Echoes of his dreams were still lingering in his mind as Jamie stirred again and shook the last remnants of sleep away. He remembered hearing the Doctor's voice and the security he had felt in his presence.

'_It was real_,' the piper told himself. '_It had to be. The Doctor was here. I know it. But if that's true…what was all that other stuff? Was it all jes a nightmare after all?'_

Jamie took a deep breath and stretched his limbs. Relief flooded him. All he had to do was open his eyes and he would be back in his room on the TARDIS. The Doctor would be there, beaming at him and preparing breakfast for the two of them. The piper imagined that it wouldn't be so easy for him to brush aside this horrific dream, but he was confident that time spent with the Doctor would cause it to fade. He firmly believed all of that.

Then he opened his eyes.

Jamie's lower lip quavered, his breaths becoming uneven, as he took in his surroundings. Nothing had changed. He was still on the space station, still huddled on a ratty blanket within the infrastructure, still hiding away from the things that had tried to kill him and from the memories.

And that meant that the Doctor was still dead.

Fresh tears swam in his eyes as he buried his face back into his blanket. He couldn't comprehend what he had done to deserve such cruelty. Losing the Doctor the first time had been one of the worst moments of his entire life. Slowly going mad as he hid in the darkness of the station was a close second. But this, being tricked into believing that the Doctor was alive and that he was here to rescue him, this was fate acting out the worst sort of malice. No longer could he hide within a shroud of insanity. Now, he was forced to be completely aware while he continued to spiral into darkness.

'_Please,' _he silently begged. '_I…I cannae take any more. Please let this end.'_

Hot tears ran down Jamie's face. The Doctor's telepathic message that pleaded with him to find a way to survive still resonated in his brain, but by this point, the piper wondered how much longer he could honor that request. His sobs were the most agonizing they had been since that first time when he finally let himself begin to mourn the Doctor's death. Still, hours upon hours of grieving made it so that no spate of tears lasted very long any more.

Eventually, the tears wore down, and the piper sat up. Now that he could think straight again, he was able to look at his rations with a more critical eye. He would have to get more water soon and as for food…well, there was no point on dwelling on the impossible. For now, he would continue put forth some effort into staying alive.

"Jamie?"

Jamie nearly jumped straight up in fright. This was the first time he had heard a real, living voice ever since the battle ended and the lights went out. At least, it was the first time he had heard it and had been able to truly grasp what it was.

The Scot glanced over to see a woman with dark brown hair and brown eyes looking at him at the end of a walkway. It took him several seconds to make the connection, but gradually he remembered her as one of the strangers he had seen coming out of the TARDIS. He briefly wondered if she was a Time Lord too.

He scrambled up into a crouching position and held onto the framework surrounding him, ready to flee if she came closer.

"No!" she said, hold out her hands toward him. "Jamie, it's ok. I'm Peri. Remember? I won't hurt you."

Jamie's heart pounded in his chest. Truthfully, he wasn't entire sure if he should believe her or not. He looked for some kind of sign to know which way to go when something she said finally registered.

"Ye know my name," he said, unnerved that he was actually talking to someone again. "How? Are ye a Time Lord?"

"A Time Lord? No way," she said with a giggle. "Thank goodness for that. I'm human, from Earth. Just like you."

"Human?" he echoed, working hard to keep his thoughts centered on this conversation. "Mebbe ye are…but that still does nae answer my question: how do ye know my name? And if ye're from Earth, then why I did I see ye come out of a TARDIS?"

"Jamie," she said, taking a step forward. "Let's get out of here where we can…."

Jamie immediately shuffled backward, ready to bolt at the slightest provocation. The woman stopped moving and held out her hands again.

"All right, all right," she said. "I, I'll tell you now, just…don't run off, ok? The Doctor would be really upset if anything else happened to you."

Jamie narrowed his eyes at her as he rose to his full height.

"Who are ye?" he said, his tone low and venomous. "Why did ye say that?"

"Say what?" Peri said, flinching. "W-what do you mean?"

"Why did ye say that aboot the Doctor?" Jamie replied. "How do ye know him?"

"He's my friend," she answered. "I travel with him. Just like you did."

"The Doctor is dead," Jamie said, his tone flat."Ye're lying."

"Jamie, please listen to me," Peri implored. "I don't know what all happened here, but I promise you that the Doctor is not dead. He's here. With me. You said you saw his TARDIS, right? Who else but the Doctor would fly around in time and space in a battered police telephone box?"

Jamie couldn't deny that there was a ring of truth in her logic. None of the other Time Lords he had seen traveled around in machines that looked like the Doctor's. Was it possible that she was telling the truth?

"Ye say that ye travel wit' the Doctor," he said levelly. "Then why hasna he ever mentioned ye? Why don' I remember ye?"

"Because I'm from the future," Peri said. "The Doctor's future. I mean, your Doctor's future. Well, I suppose it's your future too, actually."

"Ye're nae making any sense," Jamie responded.

"I know," Peri sighed, throwing up her hands. "I think it's a side effect from hanging around the Doctor too long. Ok, let me try again."

"Don' bother," Jamie said, turning away from her. "Jes…jes leave me alone. Ye and yer friend, jes get back in yer TARDIS and go away."

"Jamie, wait!"

The piper grimaced. Every muscle in his body felt like a tightly coiled spring. He knew it was foolish to run from the one person who could get him away from this rotting tomb, but so be it. He didn't want to listen to one more word of her story. He just wanted to go back to his vigil of the dead. That was his role now.

"Do you, do you remember that time?" Peri said. "When you went to that planet, um, uh, Selke Vita for the first time? The natives were having their Moon Festival and there were two white full moons in the sky. You keep saying how beautiful they were. You joined in on the feast and the drinking and the dancing. Then, later that night, you went up to the cliffs by the seashore just outside the village, so you could sit and watch the stars gather around the moons. And, and you were so happy. That night, you talked about your childhood in Scotland, and for the very first time you were able to do it without ever losing the smile on your face. You, you said it was one of the best nights of your life."

Jamie slowly turned back toward her, his body still rigid with tension. He remembered the night she was talking about. He doubted that he would ever forget it. But there was no way she could have known about it. There was only one other person in the universe who could.

"How do ye know aboot that?" he demanded.

"Because the Doctor told me," she replied. "When we were going back into the station to check on the computer, he told all this to me and asked me to mention it to you when I went back to check on you. And he wanted you to know that he never forgot that night and that it was one of the best in his entire life too."

The piper stared at her open-mouthed. He still didn't understand how it was possible for the Doctor to be alive or how this lassie could be from the Doctor's future, but he couldn't deny the proof he had been given.

"Where is he?" Jamie asked. "Where's the Doctor?"

Peri smiled and waved at him to come closer.

"It's this way," she said. "He's going through some stuff on the computer, trying to figure out what happened here. Hopefully, when he sees you, he'll stop going on about the end of the universe."

"Eh?" Jamie said as he followed her.

"He tried to explain it to me," Peri said, shaking her head. "Apparently, he thinks we might have come here during a time experiment which created this embolism and that that explains why his previous self could be dead while he's still alive. Or something like that. Ugh, he wasn't really all that clear. I wouldn't worry about it. I don't know what your Doctor was like, but this one gets into these moods. When it happens, it's best just to act like you're paying attention and wait for it to pass."

Jamie's face fell. He doubted that she meant anything by it, but he was starting to wonder if he wanted to know more. He remembered Ben and Polly telling him about regeneration when he first started traveling with them and about how the Doctor had been different when they first met him.

However, now that he was facing the possibility of confronting this phenomenon himself, the Scot wasn't entire sure if he was comfortable with the idea. It appeared as if this Doctor knew who he was and still had memories of their travels together. But what if that's all that remained? Would this Doctor still regard him as warmly as the Doctor he knew did? Or would he be almost like a stranger to him? And what did this mean for the Doctor who he had known and loved for so many years? Was he gone forever?

He figured that Peri must have sensed his mood when she touched his arm and gave him an encouraging smile.

"Don't worry, Jamie," she said. "I, I'm sure the Doctor will figure this out. He always does. It'll be ok. You'll see."

Jamie shrugged. He didn't doubt that the Doctor would find out who was responsible for the attack on the station and thwart whatever plan they might have. What he questioned was just how 'ok' everything would turn out.

"It isn't too much further," Peri said as she carefully made her way across to another platform.

"Where are we goin'?" the piper asked her.

"To the control room," she answered. "The Doctor was still reading some stuff on the computer last I saw him. He should still be there."

A flicker of panic rose up into the piper's insides again and he stopped moving.

"Is that a large room wit' a tall, glass tube in it?" he asked.

"Yes," Peri said. "Why?"

Jamie shuddered. That was the room where he had watched the Doctor die. He had avoided going anywhere near that room ever since that moment. Even Peri's assertion that the Doctor was alive and well was not enough to quell the anxiety he felt.

Then again, perhaps it was time: time to face up to the loss he had suffered and the fact that he had run away from the closest friend he would ever have in order to save himself. After all, if this was indeed the Doctor, he owed it to him to at least beg for a forgiveness he did not deserve.

"That's the long way 'round," he told her. "I know a shortcut."

* * *

A few minutes later they were back in the corridors of the station. Jamie was relieved that the lights were on and that there was no disembodied voice threatening to kill him. However, it also meant that the corpses littered around the station were easier to see. Thus, the piper found himself averting his eyes more than once as they walked.

Soon, they arrived and Peri gave him one last smile before entering and announcing their presence.

"Doctor," she said.

The man at the desk glanced over at them, and Jamie recognized him as the blond man who had come out of the TARDIS with Peri, the Time Lord from his dream who was like the Doctor…and yet not.

"He's nae the Doctor I know," Jamie said, pointing at him.

The man looked over at him, and the Scot blinked hard at the expression on his face, an expression that was wistful, joyful and meditative all at once.

"I am so, Jamie McCrimmon," he replied. "I am another aspect of him just as he is of me."

Jamie's eyebrows furrowed together. He had grasped that the Doctor changed after regeneration a long time ago. But he still couldn't see how the Doctor he knew and this man could be the same person.

"Peri, look at this," this Doctor said, pointing at the glass tube.

Suddenly there was an image of Peri in the tube, screaming in mute agony. Jamie gripped the edge of the table. It was just like how he had seen the Doctor die.

"But that's how they killed the Doctor," he blurted out. "I saw it."

The Doctor stood up and went on to explain how he had figured out who had attacked the station and why they had done it. Jamie mainly kept quiet so he could concentrate on what was being said. The piper was still having trouble following the conversation, but the one thing he did take away from it was that there was a chance that the Doctor was still alive and that they could punish the people response for the carnage that had happened here.

And for now, that was the only thing worth focusing on.


	8. Visiting the past

Author's Note: Next chapter. I plan on updating other fics this next week, so the rate of updates for this one will not be quite so fast after today. But I hope this recent surge of updates will have made up for that. :)

I do not own Doctor Who or any of its characters.

Thank you to everyone who is reading/following/favoriting/reviewing this. It is always appreciated.

Chapter Eight

What do you talk about when you meet someone who was born two centuries before your parents even met?

This was the quandary Peri faced as she waited along with Jamie for the Doctor to come out of his trance. She remembered him calling it telepathy and going forth onto the astral plane, where apparently time had no meaning. Peri was pretty sure that he was leaving some stuff out, but she knew better than to start a debate with him when he talked like that.

While they waited, Jamie had sat down on a raised section of the floor and leaned forward. When she had found him, his red rimmed eyes and wet cheeks had not escaped her notice.

'_He actually thought the Doctor was dead for, well, for who knows how long,' _she mused. '_And then to be trapped here with all these dead people. It must have been horrible.'_

Peri rubbed her arms and leaned against the consoles. She had been scared when he first attacked her, but after seeing him come to after hitting his head and now while he sat on the floor, she couldn't help but feel bad for him. He wasn't frightening anymore. Instead, he just looked very lost and alone. As well as exhausted, faint and perhaps a tiny bit feverish.

After brushing some dirt off her shorts, she straightened and paced in a small circle. Right after the Doctor had regenerated; he had mistaken her for a variety of his previous companions and sometimes acted as if he was unsure if they were still around. When she finally asked him about it, the Doctor surprised her by telling her more about several of them, including Jamie.

Peri remembered the Doctor mentioning that he had met Jamie as a young man during the aftermath of the Battle of Culloden Moor. Curious, she went to the TARDIS library and found some literature about the battle and about the Jacobite rebellions in general. As she read, she soon realized that, if the Doctor hadn't shown up when he did, Jamie would have probably been shot or hanged for his role as a piper for the Highland army.

She glanced over at Jamie, who still had his gaze turned to the floor. She remembered the first time she had woken up on the TARDIS. It had been beyond anything she could have dreamed of and it took her a little while to begin to get used to it. However, she had also had the advantage of having grown up with electricity, cars, computers and man having stepped out into space already. She couldn't imagine what walking into the TARDIS the first time would have been like for someone who grew up in a world where none of that existed.

'_What was the Doctor like back then?' _she wondered. '_Back when he met Jamie. What was he thinking when he chose to have a Highlander from the 18__th__ century join him on his travels? Did he just do it to save Jamie's life? Or was it sort of an accident, kind of like how I ended up here?'_

Her reverie was suddenly interrupted by the sound of Jamie clearing his throat. She looked over to see that he had stood up and was walking toward her.

"Um, Miss…." he started.

"Peri," she said. "Perpugilliam Brown, actually. But just call me Peri."

"All right…Peri," Jamie said hesitantly. "I jes wanted to say…I jes wanted to apologize."

"What for?" Peri said.

"For how I treated ye earlier," Jamie said. "I should have ne'er laid a hand on ye, and I was rude to ye afterwards. I'm sorry."

"That's ok," she smiled at him. "You didn't really hurt me. Just freaked me out is all. I understand that you were upset."

"That's no excuse," Jamie insisted, shaking his head. "A McCrimmon does nae treat lassies like men in battle. That's a coward's way. I ask yer forgiveness even though I don' deserve it."

"You're forgiven," Peri said. "Don't worry about it."

"I thank ye," Jamie nodded. "And ye should know that ye have nothing to fear on this station. I'll look out for ye."

Peri worked to hold in a sigh. She didn't entirely care for his implication that she was a helpless waif who needed protecting. Then she remembered that he came from a time when chivalry was expected and equal rights was an unknown concept. She decided to go with the old adage that it was the thought that counted.

"Thank you," she said. "I'm glad you're here to help out."

Jamie nodded again and turned to watch the figure lying silently on the floor. She noted the confusion and strain in his features. He looked as if he might fall over before too long. She guessed that adrenaline and sheer force of will were the only things keeping him going by this point.

"Are you still wondering if he's the Doctor?" she asked him. "Because he is you know. He may not look or act like your Doctor…."

"He certainly does nae," Jamie said with a shake of his head. "He's nae like the Doctor I know at all."

"Oh believe me, I understand that," Peri said. "When I first met the Doctor, he wasn't like this either."

"Ye mean he regenerated?" Jamie said as he looked over at her.

"You know about that?" Peri replied.

"Aye," the piper said. "When I first started travelin' wit' the Doctor, he had two friends with him, Ben and Polly. They said that when they met him, he was an old man wit' white hair. They even showed me a picture of him. And then he changed. It was the first time he had e'er done that."

'_Interesting,' _Peri thought. '_So Jamie met the Doctor after the first time he regenerated. I wonder if that first time was anything like what happened when I saw him regenerate.'_

"Well, I saw him regenerate too," Peri said. "And this current form is how he turned out. When I met him, he looked even younger than he does now and was this sweet, quieter man with so much energy."

"Ye mean, he's nothing like that now?"

"I don't know about that," Peri sighed as she leaned back against the console. "It's just…he's so different from how he was before. When he regenerated, it was very difficult for him. He'd been poisoned and there had been all these people who were trying to kill us. I, I thought he was going to die. I think he did too."

"There was nae anyway to cure the poison?" Jamie asked her.

"Oh there was a cure," Peri said, turning her face away. "But there was only enough for one of us and I was poisoned too."

"So he gave it to ye," Jamie said, nodding sagely.

"Yeah," Peri said. "He saved my life and had to regenerate to stop himself from dying."

"That's him all right," Jamie said.

"What?" Peri said as she looked back up and turned to face him.

"That's the Doctor," the piper replied. "If it'd been me, I know my Doctor would have done the same thing. He always thinks so much of everyone else's life and so little of his own. But even more than that, he cannae bear any harm to his friends. Ye see, he could nae do anything else but save yer life."

Jamie bowed his head and stared at the floor again.

"Believe me, I know," he mumbled. "That's why he told me to run when…."

"When what?"

"Ne'er mind," the Scot said. "It's nae important."

Peri nodded her head and turned to watch the Doctor. He was still in some sort of trance and she wondered how much longer he would be that way.

Then she thought about what Jamie had told her. Ever since that fateful day when the Doctor regenerated, Peri couldn't deny that she had carried around more than a little guilt over being the cause of it. That guilt grew even more complex during the aftermath when he had acted erratically with severe mood swings and had even attacked her at one point. Even after he had stabilized, or at least, he claimed to have stabilized, it was clear that the Doctor was still occasionally suffering from side effects. Throughout all this, it hurt her to know that he was having to struggle because he had chosen to save her instead of himself.

However, in all her brooding over this subject, it actually had not occurred to her that this was not really about being forced to save her. It was simply an integral part of the Doctor's personality that carried across every incarnation. He had to do whatever he could to protect the people closest to his hearts. If it hadn't been her, it might have been one of his other companions at some point. The Doctor was just acting as he always would in that situation.

"Well anyway," she said, finally breaking the silence. "It's not that this Doctor isn't nice. It's just, well, he takes a little getting used to. He's brash and more than a little pompous. He'll bicker with you at the drop of a hat, and he won't always notice when he's being rude. But he really is a caring person who will stand up for justice and for what's right."

"A lot of that does sound like the Doctor I know," Jamie said. "My Doctor is mad, always throwing himself into trouble up to his neck. But he's verra clever tae. Cleverest man I'll ever meet."

"Yeah, that's just like him too," Peri laughed. "Sounds like our Doctors are more alike than different in the end."

Jamie smiled a little, and it suddenly occurred to Peri that this was the first time she had seen him do that.

"Hey Jamie, I, I was curious," she said. "Why do you travel with the Doctor?"

"'Cause he's my friend," Jamie replied.

"No, I mean, why did you decide to go with him originally?" she amended. "It doesn't really seem like something a person like you would do."

"What do ye mean, 'a person like me'?" he said. "Ye mean 'cause I'm simple and from a primitive time? 'Cause I'm tae stupid to know aboot science and have superstitious beliefs?"

'_Way to go Peri,' _she thought to herself. '_That conversation went downhill in no time at all. What was it my mother always said I needed more of? Oh yes, tact. That's it.'_

"I, I didn't mean it like that," Peri said. "Honestly, I didn't. I just…When I met the Doctor, he just seemed like this wonderful and exciting man. I asked him if I could travel with him because I wanted to have fun and adventures and learn more about this great big universe that I suddenly realized was out there. But I'll admit, it was all a little scary to me too. It's not like we have aliens just hanging out with us in clubs and taking us on trips through the galaxy during my time. And I figured that that sort of thing is even more unlikely from your time period. So I, I guess I was wondering what made you decide to go with him. Didn't you have family who would miss you?"

"My family is gone," Jamie said, his tone still hard. "My father and my brothers were killed in battle. I might have some distant relatives out along the coasts…but I barely know them."

'_And here I thought the Doctor was the one who was good at saying the wrong thing,' _Peri thought. '_Maybe I should quit while I'm ahead. No, not ahead, Peri. More like, while I can still taste my toes as opposed to having to chew on my heel.'_

"And I dinna plan on goin' wit' the Doctor at first," Jamie said as he turned to study the Doctor again. "I was jes goin' to help him find his way back to the TARDIS 'cause it was on the moors and I know them well. It was Polly, that lass he was traveling wit', who asked him if I could come wit' them. The Doctor said it'd be all right if I taught him to play the bagpipes."

Peri giggled, and Jamie glanced over at her.

"Sorry, sorry," she said between laughs. "It's just, I can't picture the Doctor being any good at the bagpipes or any musical instrument for that matter. I can only imagine what it was like for you to teach him."

"We ne'er got 'round to any lessons," Jamie said with a smile of his own. "I don' think he ever intended to have any. I think he jes said it so I would nae feel obligated to him. That's one thing the Doctor cannae stand. He ne'er wants to bind people to him. He misses them when they leave…but it breaks his hearts if he thinks he's the one holding them here."

Peri was startled by this comment. She thought again about how the Doctor had been asking her if she wanted to go home ever since he had regenerated. At times, it had even seemed more like a dare than a question. Peri had gotten used to this part of the game and had written it off as simply a favorite tactic of his to use whenever they bickered. However, now she was wondering if there was more to it than that.

'_Is that what he thinks now? Does he think I'm still traveling with him because I feel like I owe him for saving my life?'_

'_And am I sure that he's entirely wrong?'_

Peri shifted her weight from foot to foot. The more she talked to Jamie, the more she realized that she probably did not know the Doctor nearly as well as she thought she did. True, his Doctor was several incarnations and perhaps hundreds of years in the past, but she was starting to think that that didn't matter nearly as much as it might for other people. As she looked over to see him watching over the Doctor again, she felt she was beginning to understand why the Doctor always spoke of Jamie with so much affection.

"You're really close to him, aren't you?" Peri asked him.

"Well we've been through a lot together," Jamie shrugged with a hint of bashfulness. "Travelin' to all those planets, fighting beasties and always getting into trouble."

"How long have you been traveling with him?"

"I'm nae exactly sure," Jamie said, furrowing his brow. "It's hard to keep track of time when ye're living on the TARDIS. I don' know how the Doctor does it. But he keeps track of my birthdays and how old I am. I jes had one nae too long ago so…I think it's been aboot ten years."

"Ten years?!" Peri repeated, shocked. "You've really been traveling with him that long?"

"Aye," Jamie said. "Nae all at once though. When I met him, the Doctor was running away from the Time Lords, but they eventually caught him. They took away my memories of him and sent me back to Earth and to where he first met me. They did that to Zoe tae. She's another friend we used to travel wit'. Then they made him work for this group, this Celestial Intervention Agency, and he has to do all these missions for them."

"That sounds terrible," Peri said.

"Aye, 'tis," Jamie said. "After a while, they let him give me my memories back so I could travel wit' him, and sometimes we go places like we used to. But he still has to do what they say. It's why we came here in the first place. 'Cause the Time Lords wanted him to talk to Dastari aboot the stuff they were doin' here."

"So that's why you two were here," Peri said. "Someone must have known you were coming. That's probably why those Sontarans attacked the station and kidnapped him when they did."

"I suppose so," the piper said. "Um, Peri, is he still doin' that? Working for that CIA and goin' out on missions wit' ye?"

"No, no missions," Peri smiled. "And he's not on the run anymore either. He's pretty much free to do what he wants. All the trouble we get into these days is purely due to his talent for finding it wherever we go."

"That's good," Jamie said, relief evident in his voice. "I'm glad he gets to be free eventually. It's so bad for him now."

"It's not all bad, is it?" Peri asked. "He still gets to travel where he wants to sometimes, right? Plus, he has you with him. I'm sure that makes it easier."

"Easier?" Jamie scoffed as he slouched down. "He'll ne'er say it, but I jes know those Time Lords made him do a lot he would have rather ne'er done jes to get me back. Officially, I'm supposed to help him wit' his missions, but a lot of the time I jes stand 'round while he comes up wit' the solutions and does most of the work. I know they're holding me over his head to keep him in line and I cannae even do that much to make his assignments any easier. Other than mebbe make sure he does nae get killed."

The piper sank down onto the floor again.

"I could nae even do that this time," he said, morose. "I could nae stop those monsters, those Sontarans from hurting him. Easier? I don' see how. And if he is still alive, the Doctor prolly has figured that out tae. Or mebbe this Doctor will have remembered it."

Peri felt her heart ache at the haunted, defeated look on the Scot's face. Even if he wouldn't say it, she was sure that he was traumatized by what had happened at the station and was maybe even scared that her Doctor would resent him in some way for what could be perceived as a failure on the piper's part or for the burdens the Time Lords had placed on him for Jamie's sake.

Eventually she sat down on the floor beside him.

"Listen, Jamie," she said. "You asked me before how I knew who you are."

"The Doctor told ye, dinna he?"

"Well, yes, he did," Peri said. "But he didn't just tell me when he found you here. I already knew about you a while ago. He mentioned you a couple times in the first incarnation I met, and then after he regenerated, he talked about you even more. Remember how I told that his regeneration was difficult for him? For the first couple of days after it happened, he kept calling for you and would even look for you in the TARDIS until I reminded him or he remembered on his own that you weren't traveling with him anymore. From what he's told me about you, I think he was looking for you because he remembered that you were a very good friend who always took care of him."

Peri put a hand on his forearm and was just barely able to stop herself from giggling when he started to blush a little.

"I know that he's not the Doctor you travel with, but I can tell you from personal experience that he keeps all of that stuff inside him even after he changes," she added. "He doesn't forget his friends. And I'm pretty sure you'll find that, whatever the Doctor thought of you before, he still does in this incarnation."

The piper nodded, doubt still apparent in his eyes. Peri wasn't sure if she had gotten through to him, but she hoped that he would at least consider some of things she said. Then another possibility came to her.

'_He spent years traveling with that other Doctor. Maybe he just can't feel the same way about this one. Or maybe he thinks he would be somehow betraying his Doctor by bonding with this one.'_

Peri frowned. Even though he didn't say it, she could tell that it meant a lot to the Doctor that she was still able to accept him after he regenerated. She figured that he had guessed that Jamie would be unsure of him at first, thus why he told her that story from when he was traveling with the piper as a way to 'prove' who he was. Still, confirming an identity was different than gaining someone's trust.

'_He seemed so happy to see Jamie again,' _she mused. '_It's almost like he thinks he can just pick up where he left off with him. But what if Jamie doesn't feel the same way? It would hurt the Doctor so much. I know it would.'_

Peri sat in pensive silence, unable to think of a single right thing to say at that moment. Jamie also remained quiet. In fact, he almost looked as if he might nod off.

"Jamie!"

Both Peri and Jamie flinched at the sound of the Doctor calling the piper's name and at the distress that his voice conveyed. She immediately got up to check on him and was startled when Jamie rushed in front of her and made it to the Doctor's side first. As she crouched down beside him, she could see concern etched into Jamie's features and noted the way he wrung his hands after he had started to reach for him before remembering the Doctor's warning not to touch him.

Fortunately, the Doctor opened his eyes soon after that and appeared to be fine other than his babbling about bells.

"Come on," he said, after jumping up and whirling her around. "There isn't a moment to lose."

Peri looked over at Jamie, both of them shrugging before following the Doctor into the corridor. As they walked, she thought again about Jamie had reacted a moment ago, a smile appearing on her face. Jamie might have his doubts, but clearly his instincts as a close friend had not abated in the slightest.

She was confident now that Jamie and the Doctor could co-exist as they did before. It was just a matter of the two of them realizing that too.


	9. Reunion

Author's Note: Next chapter, and it's another long one. :) I plan on having one more update on this fic this week which will put us at the halfway point (yay!) Also, expect to see an update on one of my other fics-in-progress this week...

I do not own Doctor Who or any of its characters.

Thank you to everyone who is reading/following/favoriting/reviewing this. It is always appreciated. :)

Additional Note: _Anam Cara_ is a Celtic phrase meaning "friend of the soul." It's a timeless, all encompassing bond between two people, and I think it's a very apt way to describe the friendship between the Doctor and Jamie. Thanks to **aragonite** for the inspiration for this idea. Anyone who is enjoying my work should check out her account as well. There's a lot of awesome stuff there. :)

Chapter Nine

The Doctor continued to hum and wave his hands happily as he walked back to the TARDIS with Jamie and Peri close behind him.

When he had arrived at this station, he was not only concerned with the state Chimera had been in, but also his own lingering anxiety over the mind-slip he experienced earlier. He had hoped to find some answers and was astonished to discover that all the things that had been preying on his mind were connected.

'_Not all that shocking really when you think about it,' _he told himself. '_Many people don't realize just how complex the web of causality can be.'_

Every once in a while, he glanced back at Peri and Jamie to make sure they were keeping pace with him. He was pleased that nothing unpleasant had happened to Peri during their exploration of the space station. He knew that she was hesitant to search for clues, and truth be told, he was concerned for her safety once he had an inkling of what had happened here. As it turned out, they had nothing to worry about once he had dismantled the infuriatingly zealous computer that had plagued them.

He thought again about the information Jamie had given about what happened. From what the piper had told him, the Doctor deduced that he must have been here on another mission for the CIA. The Doctor couldn't remember any details about this assignment, but he suspected that they didn't matter. It was obvious that some sort of subterfuge had been used to attract the attention of the Time Lords and to goad them into sending one of their agents here. That explained why the Sontarans had been prepared to kidnap both his former incarnation and Dastari.

'_Still, this plan does seem a little too intricate for the Sontarans,' _he pondered. '_Their cunning is mostly reserved for military tactics, and even those tend to be straightforward. No, no I suspect that there is another party involved in this. A party with even more cunning and foresight. Until I know exactly what we're dealing with, I will need to be cautious. The stakes are too high for me to afford to underestimate our opponents.'_

The Doctor finally stopped humming, his expression becoming more thoughtful. He was still trying to place the sound he had heard in his telepathic trance while also coming up with some ideas about how to deal the Sontarans. Surprisingly enough, however, he found himself distracted. Apparently, the thought of dealing with Sontarans, mysterious scheming villains, and the prospect that his previous incarnation would be vivisected still could not completely take his focus from his continued surprise at finding Jamie's unconscious body in one of the service passageways.

The Doctor glimpsed over at Jamie again. It had been so long since he had last seen him, and until now, he had not realized how much he had missed him. Nevertheless, as much as he was thrilled to see him, the Doctor was also more than slightly concerned. Even though the piper appeared to be able to keep up with him and Peri, the Doctor could see signs that Jamie was disoriented and drained. He was convinced that the Scot went through more than one trauma during the attack on the station and during all those days he had spent trapped here, struggling to survive. When he had touched Jamie's mind while the piper was under hypnosis, the Doctor was saddened by the extreme grief and growing insanity he had detected. As he encouraged Jamie to rest, he had projected his own thoughts, feelings and memories of their time together. The Doctor hoped that it would diminish the mental and emotional suffering Jamie was going through and was gratified when it appeared to have at least brought the piper back to his senses.

He had also been shocked that Jamie had been willing to hide while his former self was taken away by the Sontarans. Some of the things he remembered vividly about Jamie were his predilection to be impetuous and his dedication to protect him. This mystery was quickly solved, however, when he found a very faint trace of a telepathic message still resonating in the Scot's brain. The Doctor recognized it as his own thought patterns and had marveled at how much concentration and mental energy must have gone into this message.

'_He…I must have been desperate,' _he thought. '_Not that I blame me. The Sontarans probably would have killed Jamie on the spot if they had found him. Perhaps that is part of the reason why I made contact with myself. My mind was already primed to communicate telepathically. It's not difficult to imagine that I might have reached out instinctively if I were put under some sort of stress.'_

The Doctor continued to contemplate the telepathic signatures and workings of his former self until the three of them finally reached the TARDIS. Jamie walked over to it and placed a hand on the door.

"The TARDIS," he breathed. "I ne'er…I ne'er thought I'd be able…to see…leave…."

"Jamie?" the Doctor said, moving closer to him. "Are you all right?"

The piper did not respond. His hand fell away from the door and he stumbled backward. Suddenly, his eyes rolled back as his legs crumpled up underneath him. He would have fallen onto the floor if the Doctor hadn't caught him in time.

"Jamie!" the Doctor said, holding him upright. "Can you hear me? Here, hold onto me."

The Doctor positioned one of Jamie's arms around his shoulders and grasped the piper's hand into his. He kept his other arm around Jamie's waist. Jamie moaned and put a hand to his face, the movement clumsy and only partially succeeding.

"Doctor!" Peri gasped. "What's wrong with him?"

"I don't know," the Doctor said. "We need to get him out of here."

The Doctor pulled the TARDIS key out of his pocket and handed it to Peri so she could unlock the door. As soon as she got the door open, the Doctor nearly dragged Jamie inside.

"Peri, go ahead and take off," he ordered.

"What, now?" Peri said.

"Yes, yes, now," the Doctor replied. "Use that switch I showed you for emergency dematerialization. You remember it, don't you?"

"Sure," Peri said. "But Doctor, what about…?"

"Just do it!" the Doctor snapped. "And keep an eye on the Vortex meter. Make sure the needle doesn't move into the red zone. I'll be in the medical bay."

Peri gave a response in the affirmative, but the Doctor barely heard her. He was too busy trying to get a half-conscious Jamie down the corridor.

"Come on, Jamie," he said. "It's not much further. You know that. Just hold onto me."

"A-aye," Jamie said. "Doctor….?"

"I'm here, Jamie," the Doctor assured him.

"I, I don' know what happened," the piper mumbled. "I jes…I came over dizzy."

"After everything you've been through, it's not surprising," the Doctor replied. "Come on, let's get you somewhere where you can sit down."

The Doctor nudged open the door to the medical bay and guided Jamie over to one of the beds. Once there, he helped the piper sit down and encouraged him to lean forward. Then he crouched down in front of Jamie, his hands gingerly clasping the Scot's forearms.

"Feeling any better?" he said a couple moments later.

"Aye, a wee bit," Jamie nodded. "Jes needed to rest for a minute."

"Yes, well, you just stay there while I make sure you're all right," the Doctor said as he stood up.

Jamie nodded again while the Doctor went over to get his diagnostic probe from the medical supplies. He waved it over Jamie's head and studied the screen.

'_Hmm, body temperature's up a little over a degree,' _he thought to himself. _'Could be a slight fever. Infection maybe? He might have caught something due his prolonged exposure to all those decomposing bodies. Or it could have been the food he would have been forced to eat.'_

The Doctor felt a twinge in both his hearts. The idea that Jamie McCrimmon, one of his dearest friends, had had to huddle in fear under a ragged, filthy blanket and eat rotting food while surrounded by numerous corpses was almost too painful to consider. He knew that it was irrational to think this way, but a part of him was furious at his previous incarnation for leaving Jamie behind at that station to die a slow, horrific death.

'_I should give him an antibody booster in case he's infected,' _he thought as he turned his attention back to the scan. '_The combination of starvation, dehydration and lack of substantial sleep probably hasn't done wonders for his immune system. Otherwise, no injuries from what I can tell other than a few bruises. Nothing that proper nourishment and rest can't fix.'_

The Doctor turned the machine off and briefly thought about how useful it would be if he could find a way to make this diagnostic tool more portable. Then he put it back on its shelf, pulled a vial out of his medical kit, and loaded it into a hypodermic gun. He picked up a sterilizing pad walked back over to Jamie.

"Here," he said as he reached to push down the collar of the jumpsuit the piper was wearing. "This should make sure that…."

However, before he could give Jamie the shot, the Scot flinched and pushed the Doctor's hands away.

"What are ye doin'?" Jamie demanded. The Doctor held out his hands, contrite.

"Jamie, it's all right," he assured him. "You're starting to develop a fever and I was going to give you something so you wouldn't get sick."

The piper reached up and rubbed the other side of his neck, the side where the Doctor had inserted the neural neutralizer needles. It may have been unspoken, but the message was clear.

"Jamie, I needed to calm you down and you weren't in the right frame of mind to listen to me," the Doctor explained. "I was afraid that you might hurt Peri or yourself and could not let that happen. Believe me when I say that, if there had been another way, I would have preferred to avoid forcing you to remain still."

Jamie stared at him for a long minute, his expression inscrutable. Then he lowered his eyes and let his hands fall loosely into his lap.

"It's fine," Jamie muttered. "It's nae important. Jes…do what ye were plannin' to do."

The Doctor frowned. His memory of how the Scot trusted him implicitly had been so strong, he hadn't thought twice about giving Jamie medical treatment without going into detail as to what he was going to do first. Admittedly, an error he should have been able to avoid. However, that did not mean he preferred the way Jamie gave in so easily either. As much as he needed Jamie to cooperate, he did not like the listless, submissive demeanor the Scot had taken on. Still, he needed to make sure that he wouldn't have to worry about Jamie falling ill.

It was always better to deal with one crisis at a time if at all possible.

The Doctor moved Jamie's shirt collar away and gently swabbed an area clean on his neck.

"This will just sting a bit," he said. "It should only last a second."

Jamie did not reply. The Doctor frowned a little more and placed the injector against the Scot's skin. One click and hiss later, the task was finished with Jamie reached up to rub the site of injection.

"There, that wasn't so bad, was it?" the Doctor beamed at him. "Come on. Let's get you something to eat."

The mention of food prompted Jamie to look up, eagerness in his eyes. The two of them left the medical bay and walked down the hall to the kitchen. The piper sat down at the table while the Doctor hovered near the cupboards and appliances.

"Now, what would you like?" the Doctor asked him.

"Anything," Jamie answered honestly.

"Yes, but anything in particular?" the Doctor replied. "Wait. I think I have an idea."

The Doctor turned and grabbed some things out of the cupboards and refrigerator units, throwing all of into a large pan. He put his finger to his chin for a moment before reaching up for some spices from the cupboard next to his head. After he was done, he set the pan in the oven and hit a pair of buttons.

"There, your meal should be ready in a couple minutes," the Doctor said.

"What is it?" Jamie asked.

"You'll see," the Doctor smiled. "Now, how about something to drink."

The Doctor got out a large glass and turned on the water faucet. He handed it to Jamie, who gulped it down in seconds. The piper's hands shook slightly. Tiny rivulets ran down his chin from the corners of his mouth as he tried to taken in as much water as he could as quickly as possible. After he was finished, the Doctor silently re-filled his glass and sat it down on the table in front of Jamie. The piper downed about half of this one as quickly as the first, but ended up stopping after that.

"Thank ye," he said, sitting his glass down. "I cannae remember the last time I had a cold drink."

"You're welcome Jamie," the Doctor said. "Let me know if you want any more. Ah, I think your meal is ready."

The Doctor strolled back over to the oven and pulled out the pan. He scooped up a generous portion onto a plate and sat it on the table.

"Voila," he said with a grin. "Roast beef with all the trimmings. A favorite of yours as I recall."

The piper's eyes grew wide at the sight of the food. The Doctor was about to sit down with him when he suddenly noticed something missing.

"Ah yes, I forgot to get you a fork," he said, backing up toward the cupboards. "Just a moment, Jamie, and I'll fetch you one."

He turned and fished a fork out of a drawer. When he turned back around, he discovered that Jamie had decided not to wait for him. The Scot was hunched over his plate, scooping up food as fast as he could with his fingers. The desperate, ravenous way that Jamie consumed both food and drink spoke volumes about his recent experiences. The Doctor noted all of these details, morbidly determined to not let himself forget about a single one of them.

The Doctor discreetly placed the fork at Jamie's elbow and went back to the counter to prepare a small fruit salad for dessert. A few seconds later, Jamie noticed the utensil and used it for the rest of his meal. By the time the Doctor was done with dessert, Jamie had finished his first helping and had eaten two more hearty servings before finishing his meal with the salad.

"Thank ye, Doctor," Jamie said as he finished. "'Tis the best meal I've had since…the best in quite a while."

The Doctor nodded and assured Jamie that he was quite welcome, but the way that the piper had self-edited in mid-sentence had not escaped his attention. Jamie clearly did not want to talk about what had happened at the station. For the most part, the Doctor understood and did not want to pressure Jamie to talk about something he was not comfortable with. However, he also suspected that something Jamie wasn't telling him about that time was creating an almost crippling turmoil within the piper. It might not be pleasant, but the Doctor decided there and then that he needed to help Jamie release some of the poison that was festering inside his soul.

Jamie rubbed his eyes and yawned. Now that he was no longer hungry or thirsty, tiredness was creeping up on him. The Doctor smiled at him as he stood up.

"Come on," he said. "I think the TARDIS has moved your room back to where you remember it by now."

"Back? Ye mean it moved my room to somewhere else?"

"Yes," the Doctor said. "I keep all of the rooms that my companions use. Plus, I change rooms myself after each regeneration. And I prefer to keep my companions' rooms close to mine. Therefore, a shuffling of rooms becomes necessary."

"But why do ye keep these all these rooms in the first place?" Jamie asked.

"Are you surprised that I do?" the Doctor asked him.

"I don' know," Jamie shrugged. "A wee bit, I suppose. I guess I figured that after ye part ways wit' yer companions, ye'd have no more use for the room. I mean, it dinna always seem like ye'd ever see them again. Look at Ben and Polly."

"And yet, the fact that you're here now proves that it can happen, doesn't it?" the Doctor said. "My experiences with my companions are not always linear, Jamie. After all, time is relative."

As soon as the words left his mouth, the Doctor was astonished to see Jamie wince in response. He had not expected to Jamie to react that way.

The Doctor stopped in front of a door and opened it. Jamie cautiously stepped inside. The Doctor followed, waiting patiently for the piper to say something.

"It's dusty," Jamie said.

"Yes, I suppose it is a bit," the Doctor said, running a fingertip along a surface and frowning at the residue left behind. "Apparently the old girl wasn't quite so thorough in the cleaning. Still, it looks like she freshened up the bed for you so I hope it will be comfortable. You'll find all your clothes still in the closet. And now, I suggest that you get some rest because there will be plenty for us to do once I figure out where they are holding me."

"Us?" Jamie said.

"Of course," the Doctor said, raising an eyebrow. "If I'm going to rescue my former self from the Sontarans, I'll need all the help I can get. I'm counting on your assistance, Jamie."

The Doctor grinned as he said this. It was starting to feel like old times. He relished the chance to have Jamie alongside him again despite the troubling circumstances. That cheer quickly vanished when Jamie's face fell and he turned his back toward him.

"Jamie?" he said, moving closer. "You do want to help, don't you?"

"Of course, I do," the piper snapped with more vehemence than the Doctor expected. "It's jes…."

The Scot's shoulders drooped as he walked over to his bed and sat down.

"Mebbe…mebbe ye'd be better off nae relying on me," Jamie mumbled, his gaze firmly fixed on the floor.

"Whatever for?" the Doctor said. "This isn't like you. I've always been able to rely on you in the past."

Jamie raised his head, and the Doctor was shocked at the anger in his eyes.

"Aye. And look where that got ye, eh?" he said. "Ye got captured and mebbe killed by the Sontarans."

"Jamie, I already told you, I wouldn't be here in this form, if I died in that one. Why won't you listen to me when I say that the Doctor you know is still alive?"

"Och ,all right, so ye say he is," Jamie snarled. "But that does nae change the fact that ye got captured and had who knows what done to ye. And what did I do? I ran. I ran and hid. And now ye're telling me that ye need my help? Help? Like the help ye got at the space station?"

The piper pounded a fist into his lap and went back to staring at the ground.

"Ye don' need me, Doctor," he said. "I'll jes get in the way. I could nae bear it if something were to happen to ye 'cause I could nae help ye again."

The Doctor grimaced. He wasn't even remotely astounded at the revelation that Jamie was carrying an enormous amount of guilt over what happened. The Scot had always been tenaciously loyal to him. Unfortunately, that loyalty ended up becoming a double-edged sword during moments like this when Jamie inflicted so much shame and self-loathing upon himself. All of which was both completely unwarranted and unnecessary.

Deciding that this had gone on long enough, the Doctor strode over to stand in front of him.

"Listen to me, Jamie," he said. "When you ran and hid during the attack on the station, you did exactly what you needed to do. What I needed you to do. I'm sure I told you to run, did I not?"

"Ye did," Jamie replied. "But I should nae have jes let them take ye away like that. I should have done something."

"Like what?" the Doctor retorted, acerbic. "Like get yourself killed? Because that's exactly what would have happened if you had tried to interfere. Is that what you think I wanted? To see you dead? Putting that aside, don't you realize that if you hadn't survived, I might not have known about the danger I am currently in until it was too late?"

Jamie scowled and turned his face away. In the past, the Doctor might have been willing to stop there, but not this time. This time, it was vital that he get his point across. Although, he did sense that it was time to change tactics. He crouched down and placed his hands onto the piper's forearms.

"Jamie, why do you think I put so much effort into sending you a telepathic message?" he said, his tone becoming more solicitous. "A message that was so strong, so urgent, it was able to linger in your mind long after it was sent."

Jamie blinked, his expression softening. Confident that he was getting through to him, the Doctor pressed on.

"You said that I don't need you," he added. "But Jamie, nothing could be further from the truth. I'll always need you. That will never change. And that's why I did what I did at that station. So you would survive."

The Doctor moved his hands to clasp Jamie's shoulders gently which caused the piper to face him again.

"And now, just like so many times in the past, I'm counting on you, Jamie McCrimmon," he continued. "I'm asking you to fight alongside me again. Will you do that?"

"Aye," Jamie mumbled. "If ye're sure that's what ye want."

"If I wasn't sure, I would not have asked," the Doctor said. "Now, you should get some rest. I'll be in the control room if you need me."

Jamie nodded and the Doctor patted his arms before standing up. He started to turn to walk out of the room, but was stopped by the look on the piper's face.

"Jamie?"

"Do ye…do ye really think the Doctor's still alive?" Jamie asked, averting his eyes again. "I mean, my Doctor. Do ye think I'll ever see him again?"

The Doctor felt his hearts sink. Until now, he had simply assumed that Jamie would be pleased to see him. After all, he knew that Jamie understood the basics of regeneration and the changes that could accompany it. He had thought that, once he had proven his identity, the piper would accept him as he did before. It hadn't occurred to him that that might not be the case.

"As I said numerous times before, I'm sure he's still alive," the Doctor said, trying to not let his disappointment show. "I wouldn't be here if he wasn't."

"No, I know that," Jamie said. "What I mean is, are ye sure he hasn't had to regenerate into…well whatever ye regenerated into next? Can ye nae remember if this is when ye changed again?"

"Unfortunately no," the Doctor said, scratching at his curls. "This often happens when I cross my own time line. Any memories my earlier self would have gained about the outcome of events are blocked from my current memory. Making matters even worse, it seems the CIA tampered with my memories after I was released from their employ. I have very few recollections of the missions I was forced to undertake and what I do have is fragmented. Honestly, I cannot say for sure if this was the end of that incarnation or not."

"Ye don' remember when ye worked for the CIA at all?" Jamie said, his voice forlorn. "None of it?"

"Very little of the missions and any information surrounding them, I'm afraid," the Doctor answered. "But that does not mean I've forgotten everything, Jamie. Even though the Time Lords tried to erase everything from that period of my life, I refused to let go of any of the memories I had of you and of the times we had together. I made sure to put them into a corner of my mind that even they could not reach. And I still carry them with me. Even after all these centuries."

"Ye, ye say that ye still have all the memories," Jamie gulped. "But is that all there is? Is…is nothing else the same anymore? After ye change, I mean?"

Suddenly, another possibility popped into the Doctor's brain, one that he had overlooked until just that moment. It only took him a second of consideration before he closed his eyes and silently cursed his own stupidity.

'_He's not just worried about that previous version of me,' _he told himself. _'He's worried about the things that might have changed within me after regeneration and about who I am now at a more fundamental level.'_

The Doctor let out a sigh as he reopened his eyes. Then he went back over to Jamie's bed and sat down beside him.

"Jamie, I meant what I said before about he and I being aspects of the same whole," he said. "Even after my appearance and surface characteristics change, I am still the Doctor. And if you're willing, I'd like a chance to prove it to you."

"How?" Jamie asked, quizzical.

"By letting me link with your mind," the Doctor said. "Then you can see who I am."

The piper's eyebrows furrowed. For a moment, the Doctor wondered if he would be given this chance or not.

"All right," Jamie nodded.

The Doctor responded with a nod of his own before placing his hands on either side of the piper's face. He leaned close and touched the tip of his forehead against Jamie's. Then, he closed his eyes and focused on allowing Jamie access to his mind.

'_Jamie…my old friend…. Do you recognize me now?'_

Seconds later, Jamie gasped and clutched the Doctor's arms. The Doctor broke contact and opened his eyes to see the piper looking back at him with eyes that swam with tears.

"It _is_ ye," Jamie said, his voice cracking. "That dream I had of ye and him bein' the same…it was real. Doctor, it's really ye."

"Of course, it's me," the Doctor huffed. "That's what I've been trying to tell you. Now that that's settled, I…."

The Doctor's words were immediately cut off by Jamie throwing his arms around him for a bear hug. The gesture had taken the Doctor by surprise and for a second he was tense and still. But it didn't take long for him to remember how much he had cherished the sincere, open affection that Jamie always had for him. Or to return the embrace.

"Doctor," Jamie said, the tears flowing freely now. "I, I thought ye were dead. All that time I was trapped at the station, I thought they killed ye. I, I ne'er thought I'd see ye again. I, I thought I lost ye and that ye were gone forever."

Jamie held on to him even tighter and buried his face against his shoulder. The Doctor patted his back and frowned again. He had chided Jamie for not listening when he repeatedly told him that he and his previous self were the same person. However, the Doctor felt equally dense for not fully appreciating the enormity of what Jamie was telling him when the piper said more than once that he thought he was dead. The Doctor recalled the illusion the Sontarans had left behind of him and concluded that it would be horrific for Jamie to watch him die that way. It now occurred to the Doctor that, whatever Jamie had gone through at Chimera, it was compounded by the terrible thought that he had lost his best friend. Perhaps for eternity.

"Oh Jamie, you of all people should know better than that," he murmured.

Jamie sniffed and lifted his head. His tears had dried and his expression was puzzled. The Doctor beamed at him in response.

"You should know by now that you could never lose me," the Doctor continued. "Not by tide nor time or even death. _Anam cara_, Jamie."

"Aye," Jamie said, a grin appearing on his face at last. "_Anam cara_, Doctor."

The Doctor's smile grew, and Jamie laughed as he embraced him a second time. As he held him, the Doctor soon realized that it wasn't just the fact that Jamie finally recognized him that was lighting up his hearts.

He reflected on how almost every second after this recent regeneration had been a struggle. The severity of the symptoms he had suffered as a result of his spectrox poisoning made it a bit of a miracle that he was able to regenerate at all. Unfortunately, despite his firm intentions to be a vast improvement on his last incarnation, the Doctor was forced to admit that much had gone awry. Mood swings, memory issues and a newly acquired asperity were only the beginning of his problems.

The greatest challenge he faced was proving to himself that he was still the Doctor.

He could see it in the way that people who had known him before. '_Are you really the Doctor?' _Even if they didn't say it aloud, they said it with their expressions of disbelief and with the suspicious demeanors they projected. It was as if they were looking for something that was apparently absent in him now. Or at the very least, it wasn't obvious anymore. The Doctor had never been one to be overly concerned with what others thought of him.

But that didn't mean that it didn't hurt when Peri also had a questioning look in her eyes. Although, for her, the question was not whether or not he was actually the Doctor. No, it was far more insidious: '_why are you the Doctor now?' _

The Doctor remembered scoffing at Peri's comments about his cricketer self being sweet. It had been easier to do than to ask her why she was so…disappointed at what she saw when she looked at him. In fact, it was still easier to disparage the incarnation before him than to admit that he found himself comparing that previous version with who he was striving to become now. He continued to work against the wickedness ignorance could bring about. He was driven to combat the evil that sought to oppress others. He spent hours happily working on overhauling the TARDIS and inventing a variety of useful devices. And yet, he still occasionally looked in a mirror and wondered if he was only a shadow in the glass.

Over time, he realized that he had a pair of questions of his own: '_will anyone ever be able see the Doctor in me? Or…am I just pantomiming in an effort to hide from the fact that the Doctor is no longer a part of who I am?'_

However, in this moment, with Jamie clinging to him with all the familiar fondness he remembered, the Doctor reached a revelation.

'_Anam cara, the friend of the soul,' _he mused. '_And of all the souls in this infinite universe, the one who would always be able to see me for who I am and not be fooled.'_

And that was the crucial point. The fact that his physical form, his habits, his taste in clothing, and his personality quirks had changed had meant nothing to the piper. Not even all the flaws and eccentricities he currently grappled with were enough to drive the piper away. All that mattered to Jamie was whether or not he was still the Doctor at the core of his being. Once he had that answer, it was all that the Scot needed. Just the fact that he was the Doctor was more than enough for Jamie.

And as it turned out, it was also more than enough for the Doctor as well.

A deep sense of contentment filled him as the Doctor smiled and patted Jamie's back again.

"Come on, Jamie," he said. "It's time for you to get some much-needed additional sleep."

"Aye, Doctor," the piper said drowsily. "Sleep…."

However, instead of moving away, Jamie simply shifted his position so he could lean against the Doctor and rest his head on his shoulder. It didn't take long for the Doctor to catch onto what he was doing, and he immediately began to shake the Scot's shoulder.

"No! Not here," he hissed. "You need to lie down and let me get to work. Jamie! Jamie, are you listening to me?"

A soft snore was his only reply. The Doctor let out a melodramatic sigh and slouched against the wall.

'_I don't have time for this now. I need to check on the TARDIS' stabilizers, see if Peri is all right, put away those leftovers that are still in the kitchen…a whole plethora of things really.'_

He looked down at Jamie and watched the steady rise and fall of the piper's chest. Truly, Jamie did need the rest, and he actually did look quite peaceful like that. Even the Doctor had to admit that it would be a shame to disturb Jamie when he was in the middle of such a relaxed slumber.

The Doctor scowled, but there was no trace of any annoyance behind it. At least, not at Jamie. Right now, he was just glad that Jamie wasn't the type to take advantage of another person's kindness because the Doctor found it unequivocally easy to indulge him.

Finally ready to admit defeat, the Doctor let out another sigh and carefully eased his coat off so he could wrap it around the sleeping piper. Once that was done and he was sure that Jamie would be comfortable, he turned his gaze toward the ceiling.

'_Sleep well, old friend. I have missed you.'_

Then the Doctor let his mind wander in search of answers to the challenges that lay of ahead of him while still allowing for the occasional detour into the nostalgic recesses of his mind.


	10. Getting to the truth

Author's Note: Next chapter. At this rate, I hope to have this one finished by the end of the month, if not sooner. We'll see.

I do not own Doctor Who or any of its characters.

Thank you to everyone who is reading/following/favoriting/reviewing this. It is always appreciated.

Chapter Ten

Of all the adjectives Peri could think of to describe the Doctor, adorable would have to be pretty far down the list.

Intelligent? Definitely. Brave? Absolutely. Generous? Sure, given the opportunity. Thoroughly irritating? Much too often, to be honest. But adorable? That seemed a little too far-fetched and this was coming from a woman who had seen birds who recited sonnets and waterfalls that flowed upward instead of down.

Nevertheless, Peri could not come up with another word that was nearly as apt to describe some of the Doctor's behavior of late.

* * *

_Peri stood in front of the console and crossed her arms over her chest. She had watched the Vortex meter for over an hour before finally giving up on the pretense that she was actually doing something important._

_She had known, or at the very least guessed, from the beginning that the Doctor had ordered her to stay in the console room so he could tend to Jamie without interruption. As much as she was anxious about the Highlander's condition, she understood that she was a little more than a stranger to him. Thus, she imagined that Jamie would be more comfortable with the Doctor taking care of him on his own. Plus, she figured that they had a lot to talk about and would want some privacy. _

_Eventually, she left the control room for her bedroom so she could take a shower and change. Afterwards, she grabbed the book she was reading and went back to the console room so that she could at least say she was there if the Doctor showed up. However, after reading the same page four times, Peri sat the book down and watched the column rise and fall at the center of the room._

_She hoped that nothing was seriously wrong with Jamie. She recalled the bits of food and empty water packets she had found strewn all over the blanket the piper had been using for a bed. Her stomach turned at the thought of eating any of the putrid food she saw in the kitchen, and yet it wasn't as if there were any other options. _

'_What if he got food poisoning or something?' she had pondered. 'Or maybe he became ill because he hasn't had enough to eat. I hope not. I really hope he's ok.'_

_Peri clasped her hands together. She knew that it would break the Doctor's hearts if anything were to happen to him. With everything the Doctor had been through with his recent regeneration, she did definitely did not want to imagine him having to endure the staggering grief that was sure to come with such a loss. _

_After hours of waiting, Peri could not stay still for a moment longer. She went to the medical bay and was both surprised and relieved to find it empty. When she walked back out into the corridor, she suddenly noticed a door that had not been there earlier. It was cracked open and Peri carefully leaned in to look inside. _

_Sitting on one end of the bed was the Doctor. He had his head down and was scribbling at a large notepad with a pencil, a contemplative look on his face. Peri noticed that his coat was lying beside him and was startled when it moved. Her face lit up with a smile when she realized that Jamie was using the coat as a blanket and the Doctor's lap for a pillow. _

_Warmed by the scene in front of her, she watched for a moment more before going back to the console room._

* * *

Lying in her bed the next morning, Peri found herself smiling again. She was glad that Jamie was all right and was intrigued by how his presence was bringing out a side of the Doctor she had never seen before.

A couple hours after she had left the Doctor and Jamie in what she assumed was Jamie's old room, the Doctor reappeared in the console room and offered her dinner. She eagerly agreed, relived that he did not comment on her reading a book instead of watching the monitors. As they walked back toward the kitchen, she noted that he was still without his coat.

It only took a few minutes for him to retrieve some things from the cupboards and whip up a light dinner for the two of them. While they ate, Peri asked him about Jamie, and he replied that the piper was fine and was currently sleeping. Once they had finished, the Doctor mumbled something about materialization circuits before disappearing to work on the TARDIS for the rest of the night.

Peri yawned and stretched. Last night, she fell asleep faster than she thought she would and had slept in longer than she had intended. She closed her eyes for a few more minutes before finally dragging herself out of bed so she could wash up and change. Then she went to the kitchen and found the Doctor standing near the stove, ready to offer her an omelet. She also found an empty bowl with bits of porridge stuck on the sides on the table and put it onto the counter. Peri asked again about Jamie, and the Doctor informed her that the piper would join them later.

Once they were done with breakfast, the two of them moved to the console room. After a few minutes of silent pacing, the Doctor declared that he had figured out an important clue to where his previous self was being held.

"The largest of the twenty-five bells in the cathedral of Seville. Most distinctive."

Peri inwardly scoffed. She wasn't entirely convinced that the Doctor just happened to keep track of how the bells sounded at various cathedrals throughout the world, but could not think of how else he could have figured out where his other self was. She was still searching for an answer when he asked her if she had been to Seville. Unfortunately, she was so distracted; she made the mistake of asking him if he had actually been there.

"How else would I know the Santa Maria when I hear it?" he responded. "Oh do try to use your brain, my girl. Small though it is, the human brain can be quite effective when used properly."

Peri felt her irritation grow, but said nothing aloud. She suspected that this business with his former incarnation being captured was stressing him and making him grumpy. These moods usually didn't last very long, and she held out hope that he would cheer up when Jamie rejoined them.

As if on cue, the piper opened the door and sauntered into the room. Cleaned up, shaven, and wearing a change of clothes, Peri marveled at how Jamie seemed like an entirely different man from the one she met yesterday. In fact, she had to admit that she found Jamie quite dashing in his more traditional Scottish attire. On his face was one of the sunniest smiles she had ever seen, and Peri was unable to resist grinning back at him.

"Ah, you look better for your change of clothes and bath," the Doctor said. "You should try it more often."

Peri rolled her eyes. Apparently, not even Jamie would be spared from the Doctor's tetchy mood.

"Ignore him, Jamie. He's being crotchety," she sighed. "I think you look wonderful."

Not surprisingly, at least to Peri, the Doctor protested the notion that he was being 'crotchety' and went into a soliloquy about how his former self was "languishing in some dark dungeon at the mercy of the Sontarans." Jamie was polite enough to look properly concerned, but Peri was familiar with how this Doctor tended to be melodramatic when it suited him.

"You can't be sure he's in a dungeon," she insisted.

"There was an echo, an after-resonance," the Doctor replied. "When you've been locked in as many dungeons as I have, you wouldn't fail to recognize it."

Peri almost rolled her eyes again, but then the Doctor announced that he would be leaving the Vortex. Her annoyance was immediately replaced with an instinctive need to grab onto something so she wouldn't tumble to the floor like she had too many times here recently.

Unfortunately, she did not manage to warn Jamie sufficiently about what was about to happen. Soon there was a shuddering thud, and Jamie was thrown onto the ground. Seemingly only mildly perturbed, Jamie scrambled back up to his feet.

"Now my Doctor would nae have done that," he announced as he leaned over the console, his hand hovering over the buttons. The Doctor swatted his hand away.

"Your Doctor is an antediluvian fogey," the Doctor snapped. "Allowing himself to be captured by the Sontarans. If anything happens to myself as a result of it, I will never forgive himself."

Peri sighed. It was bad enough that the Doctor was clearly bent on ruining everyone's mood. She really did not want to deal with the additional problem of trying to keep up with his constant switching of personal pronouns whenever he talked about himself or his previous incarnation. For a moment, she worried that Jamie would get fed up with the Doctor's peevishness, but the piper seemed to take it in stride.

In fact, Jamie appeared to be willing and able to meet the challenge of dealing with his moodiness.

"I thought ye said that my Doctor was an earlier ye," Jamie said. "So if he's old, what does that make ye?"

"Oh, you know what I meant, Jamie," the Doctor huffed. "Honestly, you can be so, so…pedantic at times. Not to mention stubborn, impetuous, pessimistic…."

"Aye, and look who's telling me aboot being stubborn," Jamie smirked. "I learned a long time ago that there's no stopping ye when ye get one of yer mad notions in yer head."

"Mad? Mad?!" the Doctor replied. "There was never anything mad about my 'notions' as you call them. True, I may have been a bit rash at times and would have to improvise, but what can you expect given how young I was back then. Besides it's not as if I purposely searched for trouble."

"No, ye jes could nae help yerself from jumpin' in head-first whenever ye found it," the piper said. "And how much has that changed, eh? I'm guessin' nae at all."

The Doctor harrumphed, and Peri struggled to stifle a laugh. This reminded her a lot of the bantering she engaged in with the Doctor on a regular basis. It was obvious that there was plenty of affection behind the bickering, and she wondered if that was always true when she bickered with the Doctor.

"And are ye sure we'll land in the right place?" Jamie asked him. "It's nae like we usually end up where we're supposed to go."

"Jamie, do try to have some faith in me," the Doctor replied. "I'll have you know that _my_ navigational skills are second to none. A far cry from the stumbling about that you probably remember."

"Aye, well I remember what happened every time ye were this confident aboot somethin'," Jamie nodded. "And it was ne'er good."

As much fun as Peri was having with this, she decided that she better make use of the time she had before they arrived.

"Hey, um, I'm going to go check on my plants," she announced to them. "I'm pretty sure some of them need watering by now."

"Yer plants?" Jamie echoed.

"Yes," the Doctor said, his smile finally returning. "Peri here is quite the student of botany. You should let her show you her collection some time. She has been cultivating specimens from numerous corners of the galaxy and has created an impressive garden."

"I'll be sure to do that," Jamie said, beaming at her again. Peri smiled in response and pondered how the piper had a grin that was infectious. Even the Doctor did not seem to be immune to it.

She excused herself from the room, and as she walked out, she heard them resume their teasing. She was able to wait until she was well in the hallway to start laughing, but only just.

* * *

About two hours later, Peri finally finished tending to her garden. She surveyed the racks of exotic flowers that lined the room and wondered how she would ever be able to explain all of this if she ever got the chance to take them back to her university. She briefly considered the possibility that she could breeze through a dissertation with little difficulty just by cataloging this collection.

'_Wait a minute, who am I kidding? Not while Professor Craigston is still in charge of the Botany department. Knowing him, he'd reject my proposal just because I dared to discuss plants not native to Earth. Or at the very least because I wasn't able to cite any previous work related to these specimens.'_

She washed her hands and strolled back to the console room. Peri opened the door slowly so as to not interrupt Jamie and the Doctor in case they were discussing something personal.

What she saw when she gazed inside only served to up the adorable quotient in Peri's mind.

The Doctor was silently walking back and forth around the console, occasionally pausing to read a meter or press a button. Meanwhile, Jamie was fast asleep in the lounge chair nearby. At one point, the Doctor looked over at him, a warm smile on his face. He went over to a large wooden chest in the corner of the room and pulled out a blanket which he then draped over the piper's body. Jamie stirred a little as he adjusted to it, but did not wake up. By the time the Doctor was back at the controls, Peri felt her own smile overtake her entire face.

Suddenly, Jamie started to stir, his breaths coming out in short gasps.

"No…no," he mumbled as his hands trembled. "No, stop…."

It looked like a nightmare, and Peri thought about going over there to wake him up. But the Doctor reacted even faster. He dashed over and placed his hands onto the piper's shoulders, gently clasping them.

"It's all right, Jamie," he murmured. "You're safe now."

"Doctor…." Jamie breathed, his eyes still shut.

"I'm here, Jamie," the Doctor said as he leaned close to him. "Go back to sleep."

The Doctor rubbed Jamie's shoulders and slowly the piper's body relaxed, his head drooping again as he slipped into a deeper slumber. The Doctor hovered over him for another minute, before finally moving back toward the column. He stayed there for only seconds and then marched off into the room adjoining it.

Peri quietly crept into the console room. She thought again about how the Doctor had acted around Jamie and how close their friendship appeared to be. But now, it occurred to her that there might be another facet to how he interacted with Jamie, a far more paternal one. When viewed from that perspective, a lot of things fell into place, like the tender regard he had for Jamie along with an understated and yet noticeable uptick in his usual protectiveness.

Peri glanced over at Jamie, who was still sleeping soundly. She remembered the Doctor mentioning off-hand at one point that he used to travel with his granddaughter. That meant that he had had a family back on Gallifrey. Grandkids also meant that there had been at least one child of his own at some point. Peri couldn't stop herself from wondering what kind of father the Doctor had been.

'_And for that matter, what about the woman who helped make those kids?' _she thought with a chuckle. '_What would she have been like? I mean sure, the Doctor has some good traits. Heck, some great ones really. But if he was anything like how he is now back then…well, she must have been an amazing, and maybe a little crazy, person herself.'_

Peri frowned. Other than his granddaughter, the Doctor never mentioned his family. It was an omission that was hard to ignore. She was aware that there were many possible explanations, but what she knew of the Doctor made her infer that their absence in his conversations was probably due to their permanent absence in his life. She hated to think about him suffering such losses, but it was a logical assumption given his desire to leave his home world and rarely look back.

It also put another slant on his reasons for taking Jamie with him all those years ago. From what the Doctor had told her, Jamie was barely an adult when he met him, but had already endured a brutal war and had lost almost all of his family and friends. Thus, she could picture the Doctor viewing Jamie's situation through the eyes of a parent as well as those of a friend.

'_It's as if a part of him wanted to be a father again,' _she thought to herself which instantly made her even more curious about this other incarnation. She did think it would make for a complex relationship for him to regard Jamie as both an adoptive son and a best friend. But then Peri concluded that if anyone could cultivate a friendship like that, it would be the Doctor.

Curious about what he was doing, Peri walked into the room attached to the console room and was surprised to find the Doctor lying on the floor. She was about to call out to him, when she realized that he was in the same rigid posture he had taken when he tried to contact himself telepathically. She thought about leaving him alone for a while when all of the sudden, the Doctor's body shuddered and he opened his eyes.

"Doctor?" Peri said, crouching down beside him. "What were you…?"

"If you must know, I was trying to make contact with myself again," the Doctor scowled as he sat up.

"I thought you said you knew where your other self was being held," Peri replied.

"I do," the Doctor said. "But when I made contact before, I could only receive impressions of the environment I was currently in. Probably due to some of kind of sedating drugs that were used on me. I was hoping that he would have come out of it by now so I could communicate with myself."

Peri did her best to ignore the Doctor's refusal to stick to a more coherent way of talking about his previous incarnation and pressed on.

"So you could find out more about who was holding you?" she asked.

"That would be useful, yes," the Doctor said as he got to his feet. "However, I was also hoping to tell him about Jamie."

"You think he's worried about him?"

"I _know_ that he is," the Doctor replied. "Given what happened at the station, I'd be a fool not to be worried. But for some reason, that stubborn old idiot is blocking any and all attempts to reach him telepathically."

"Um, you do know that you just insulted yourself, right?"

"What I don't understand is why he is doing this?" the Doctor continued, seemingly oblivious to her comment. "It's not like the Sontarans are even remotely telepathic. And yet, it's as if he deliberately put up a sort of mental wall closing off all possible access to my mind."

"He…you can do that?" Peri asked, unsure of the best way to ask this question. "You can block yourself off from your own mind?"

"It's not easy thing to do, I can assure you," the Doctor said, frowning again. "But if anyone could do it, it would be him. I seem to remember that my psychic abilities were at their peak around that time. Something I've been meaning to investigate within myself actually."

The Doctor paced about the room for a moment before reaching up and opening one of the roundels in the wall. Peri thought about leaving him to his work, but then she recognized the fiddling he was doing for what it was: a way to distract himself from something that was bothering him.

"Doctor, whatever your other self is doing, I, I'm sure it's nothing to worry about," she said. "I mean, you told me yesterday that you thought that there was probably someone else involved in this. Maybe they're trying to read that other Doctor's mind and find out more about time travel or the work you were doing for the Time Lords. Jamie did mention that you used to work for some secret organization."

"Yes, yes that's entirely possible," the Doctor sighed. "Not that I can remember any of it now. The Time Lords made sure of that."

"You mean, they took away your memories from that life?" Peri said, shocked.

"Many of them, yes," the Doctor said. "But I'm pretty sure that I was able to hold onto the important things. And that's why we need to find where I'm being held and get Jamie back to him as soon as possible."

"I don't understand," Peri said. "I thought you were happy to see him. And Jamie seems to have accepted you as the Doctor."

"I am and he has," the Doctor said. "But it's not that simple."

The Doctor faced the wall, his shoulders slumped. Peri continued to be surprised at how much he was sharing with her, but was also concerned at the direction the conversation was taking.

"Jamie…he doesn't belong with me," he said quietly. "I'm not the Doctor he chose to travel with. He should be with the Doctor he knows and has cared for all those years."

Peri was about to point out that he and this other Doctor were still the same person when another meaning to his words suddenly became clear in her mind.

'_Not the Doctor Jamie chose to travel with….'_

'_Just like he isn't the Doctor I chose to travel with either.'_

Peri bowed her head. Part of the reason she was able to understand and relate to Jamie's confusion when he met this Doctor was because she had a similar reaction herself…and she had actually been there when he regenerated into this form. During the days and weeks after it happened, Peri thought a lot about the man she used to know as the Doctor and the moment she chose to go with him.

"_It's funny but, just before I met you I was saying I wanted to travel and I've still got three months of my vacation left…."_

Three months of vacation. That was all she was asking for in the beginning. From what little she had seen during that first encounter with the Doctor, Peri believed that three months would be plenty of time for her to experience a lifetime of wondrous adventures. However, even the brief time she had traveled with the previous version of the man in front of her had been enough to make Peri realize that time frames like three months meant very little when your method of conveyance was a time-space machine. Soon, she started to wonder if she would be satisfied with just three months and tried to think of how long she would have to travel before she was satisfied.

However, it wasn't until the Doctor regenerated that she finally started to ask herself the question she had not been willing to face before: was this still about three months of vacation or was it about something more?

It was a question she was still trying to answer. She thought that she had figured it out at one point after the Doctor changed. Disturbed and disgusted with what he had become, she decided out of frustration to leave him the first chance she got. But as she spent more time with him, her attitude softened and she told herself that she would wait until she was sure that he would be all right on his own before asking to return home.

It wasn't until this very moment that Peri realized that, whether she had consciously chosen this or not, she had stopped searching for a definite sign that he no longer needed her. Thoughts of making sure that he was ready to travel alone again had been replaced with an outlook of the future that always seemed to include the Doctor. It was no longer a case of waiting for the next chapter in her life.

It was about making the choice between the life she had made for herself here and going back to the one she had left behind.

Peri swallowed hard, raising her head. She still didn't know if she was ready to make this decision, but that wasn't what was important right now. In this moment, the only thing that really mattered was that this Doctor needed to know that he was not a consolation prize. Not for Jamie. And not for her.

"Doctor," she said, putting a hand on his arm. "You know, when I was talking to Jamie, he told me about he traveled with you for years…."

"Not me, him," the Doctor retorted.

"Yeah, whatever," Peri sighed. "You know what I mean. And you've been doing that too, so don't start. Anyway, he was so worried. I think he thought that maybe he had been a burden on you back then."

"Oh Jamie," the Doctor said, shaking his head. "He should know better than that."

"But he wasn't just worried about that you," Peri continued. "He was worried about this you. The you that you are now, if that makes any sense. He asked me if you still had to work for that CIA thingy and I think he was a little scared that you were still upset with him for running away from the Sontarans."

The Doctor huffed again and opened his mouth to speak, but stopped when Peri squeezed his arm.

"What I'm trying to say, Doctor, is that Jamie…I don't think he's wondering why he's not with the Doctor he knew before," she said. "I think he just wants to know how he can help you now. Because he's your friend and because…well, because you're his. And I, I get that because that's how it is for me too, you know."

Peri let her hand drop to her side as she stepped toward him. The Doctor turned and put his arm around her shoulders, drawing her close to him. She responded by looping her arms around his waist.

"Peri…." he whispered.

She waited for him to say more, but no more words came. A snide remark about how this was indeed a rare moment when she could actually leave him speechless lurked in a corner of her brain. But it quickly dissolved away as Peri decided that she didn't need to say anything else.

It was the things that were not being said right now that were important.


	11. Edges of loss

Author's Note: Next chapter. Don't know yet if I'll post another one this week or not. We'll see...

Also, don't be surprised if a new fic or two starts up in the near future...

I do not own Doctor Who or any of its characters.

Thank you to everyone who is reading/following/favoriting/reviewing this. It is always greatly appreciated. :)

Chapter Eleven

The Doctor closed his eyes and worked to regulate his breathing. The metal cuffs that Dastari had placed on his wrists were chafing his skin. The sensation intensified the anxiety he felt over being restrained, helpless and unable to move. Nevertheless, the situation he was in was dangerous enough without the burden of his own personal phobias creating unnecessary panic.

He preferred to save his panicking for when he was faced with a more lethal threat.

Using techniques he had learned from the Tibetan monks he had befriended so long ago, the Doctor focused on each breath, drawing them out slower and slower. It had taken him longer than usual to achieve his desired state of calm. He blamed that on the siralanomode that Dastari had pumped into him. Its main side effect was memory loss, but given how much the scientist could have used on him during their journey to Earth, the Doctor imagined that it could also affect other mental processes. Like his ability to concentrate.

The Doctor reopened his eyes and let out a sigh. Siralanomode's effects were usually temporary. Of course, there was the fear that too much could cause long-term damage, but the Doctor hoped that this wouldn't be the case. A few minutes ago, he had tested himself by trying to recall a variety of facts and personal events from across his current and previous incarnation and was mostly pleased with how much he had remembered. Given time and proper care, he was confident that his mind would recover.

That is, if he escaped this cellar and the clutches of Dastari, the Androgums, and the Sontarans intact. It certainly had the feel of his usual jobs for the CIA. Pity he couldn't think of a way out of it this time.

The Doctor frowned, wincing as he did so. His cheek still ached where Stike had struck him, and he suspected that there might be a hairline fracture in the bone. It had been an absurdly risky tactic to goad the Sontaran into a dual, but it was also the best idea he had been able to come up with at the time. At the very least, it would have gotten him out of these wretched restraints. Unfortunately, Stike had an unusual amount of prudence for a Sontaran and had stomped away in a rage without giving in to his battle instincts.

'_No point in trying to get anywhere with Shockeye,' _he thought. '_Androgums only care about sating their desires, and I've got nothing to offer. Well, nothing I wouldn't mind parting with. Besides, he is completely allied with Chessene. I doubt he cares about what happens to anyone other than himself and her. As for Chessene…I'm sure she has her own endgame in mind. And that fool Dastari refuses to see it.'_

Thoughts of Dastari caused the Doctor to slump down against the examining table. He had seen that there was an unwelcome change in the scientist while talking to him at Chimera. However, he had had no idea how just much Dastari had changed until he had opened his eyes in this dank cellar and realized that the man he had once considered a friend had probably played a role in the massacre that had taken place on the space station.

That in itself was horrible enough, but the idea that Dastari also wanted to dissect him on the chance that he might discover the secrets of time travel was akin to a nightmare. While he wasn't unfamiliar with the numerous ways a person's soul could be subsumed by evil, the Doctor could not fathom how Dastari could have been twisted so much. Even as he faced his own death at the scientist's hands, the Doctor found himself lamenting the loss of his old friend. At that moment, he felt completely alone.

'_Jamie…..' _his mind called out. '_No…no, Jamie's not…. He's….' _

The Doctor felt both of his hearts wither. When Chessene had told him that the Sontarans had murdered Jamie, a mixture of anguish and blind fury had overwhelmed him. It was a feeling that he had only a couple times before and hoped to never experience again. For a moment, he had lost all control and had only wanted to lash out at the source of his suffering. However, Dastari and Shockeye had restrained him before he could act and that had given him time to regain his senses and think rationally again.

At first, he tried to reason that it was possible that Jamie was still alive. He had managed to convince the piper to flee at the first sign of trouble and there was the chance that his telepathic message had encouraged him to stay hidden. While others assumed Jamie to be stupid and weak, the Doctor knew him to be resourceful and resilient. The piper had survived a brutal war when he was little more than a boy. It wasn't impossible to think that he could find a way to escape the Sontarans' slaughter.

Those wistful hopes were destroyed in the next moment when Stike leaned toward him.

* * *

"_Disgusting," the Sontaran said as he glared at the Doctor's face. "It's displays of emotion like this that prove how weak our enemies are compared to the strength of Sontaran resolve."_

_The Doctor met his glare, but remained silent. He knew that there was little point in arguing with Sontaran rhetoric, and he wasn't in the mood to try. _

"_Those puny beings at the station cried out like that too," Stike continued. "Including your precious Tellurian, I'm sure. Unfortunately, I wasn't there when it was executed, but I did see the body. Brown hair, a strip of cloth around its neck, and a red skirt…that was what it looked like, was it not?"_

_Another wave of grief crested in the Doctor's soul. How many times had he made the joke about Jamie's kilt being like a skirt? It had always been a playful jest between friends, but to hear Stike use those same words in such a cruel and flippant way was more than the Doctor could take. _

"_I took the liberty of carving out its heart as a trophy," the Sontaran sneered. "And I will do the same to you, Time Lord, when your usefulness is at its end. It will serve as a useful reminder of the fate of anyone who dares to oppose the might of Sontar."_

_Stike looked as if he would say more, but then he looked into the Doctor's eyes and froze. Then, Stike did something so unusual, so rare for a Sontaran that it had only been recorded a couple times in the entire universe's collective history: he took a step back from his adversary._

"_You are a slimy obscenity," the Doctor hissed at him. _

_That same baleful gaze held Stike in silent stillness. In that second, he knew that Stike could perceive the power that lay behind the mythos of the Time Lords and could grasp the reason why they were worshipped and feared in equal measure by many that knew of them. More importantly, Stike now knew, at the most instinctive level, the danger that lie behind those eyes. Eyes that burned with a fire that swept away everything that was unfortunate enough to be in its path. _

_Eventually, the spell was broken and Stike balled up his fist and growled at him._

"_And you, Doctor, are nothing more than a means for our ultimate victory against the Rutans now," he retorted. _

_Then the Sontaran spun on his heel and left the room with his subordinate following close behind._

* * *

The Doctor swallowed hard and blinked at the moisture that had gathered in his eyes. Looking back on it, it was easy to see that he had tried challenging Stike to a dual not only as a way to escape, but also as a way to release some of the wrath he felt toward Stike and every other Sontaran who had played a hand in Jamie's murder. It had been reckless and entirely fueled by rage and grief. Now that he had had a chance to reflect on it, the Doctor was able to admit that, as angry as he was at the Sontarians for what they did; he was just as angry at himself for allowing it to happen.

He had always known that CIA assignments were dangerous. Every mission had the potential of being the one that ended his life, but that really only mattered to him. The Time Lords were treating him as if he had nothing to lose, and in a sense, he didn't. Not with the eventuality of a forced regeneration and exile awaiting him. It was the main reason he had been able to accept not being able to travel with any companions for so many years. As long as he was alone, no one he cared about would be exposed to these unrelenting perils.

If he could discern a tipping point, the Doctor was pretty sure it was after President Borusa had scooped him and the Brigadier out of his time stream and into the Death Zone. Being made to play the game of Rassilon did not feel all that dissimilar from many of his missions for the CIA. The only difference was, this time; he had someone else to think of. The more he thought about it now though, the more certain Doctor became that having the Brigadier beside him had played a major role in his surviving that whole affair.

However, he had not escaped the ordeal unscathed. While he had managed to keep himself in one piece physically, his hearts had not faired nearly as well.

The moment he had entered Rassilon's tomb, the Doctor had begun to look for traps. He knew that many would assume that the game would stop once this point had been reached, and that was a mistake he was determined not to make. He didn't know what form those traps would take, but he would be ready for them. Or so he thought.

What he had not been ready for was the moment when he actually saw Jamie and Zoe standing in front of him. He had missed them, of course, but seeing them there and hearing their voices had stirred other, even stronger, emotions he had not felt in decades. After his shock and initial joy upon seeing them passed, his very next thought had been to free them and to ensure that they could not be taken away from him again. Hearing them sound so scared and pleading with him to go back had almost been enough to persuade him to give up on his quest in the Dark Tower.

However, it was then, as his mind raced to make sense of the situation and reason a way out of it, that he realized the truth. It had taken every ounce of confidence he had in his own genius to ignore Jamie's assertions that he would die and take that final step to prove that his friends were not really there. After that, it was no great surprise to him when the visions of his friends dissolved away.

Ultimately, it was a hollow victory. True, he was able to see through the trap and continue on with the Brigadier, but the damage had already been done. Listening to Jamie and Zoe scream as they disappeared had been the final blow. The sound haunted his dreams for years afterwards, their terrified faces never left his thoughts. The Doctor wasn't entirely sure which was worse: having to watch two of his dearest friends dissipate into nothingness as they screamed or the fact that that could end up being the last memory he would have of them.

In the end, he simply had been unable to cope, the isolation had become too much to bear. It was changing him. And not in a good way or even in a way his peers would have preferred. It was shaping him into something else, something that even the Time Lords unconsciously feared even if they couldn't put a name to it. The process was measured and would have been fought at every juncture, but it was happening all the same.

The Doctor suspected that the Time Lords' fears of what this change could mean had been the impetus behind the CIA's decision to have Jamie's memories restored and to allow the piper to travel with him again. It was his own weakness that had enabled him to brush aside the danger he was putting Jamie in and focus on the relief and joy he felt over having his dear friend back at his side.

Granted, it did not make the missions any less complicated, grueling or hazardous. In fact, in many ways, additional complications had risen due to his now having to worry about the piper along with everything else. On top of all this, the work often tested the limits of his and Jamie's fortitude and patience. This would occasionally put a strain on their friendship and on their ability to co-exist amiably as near-constant companions.

Still, the Doctor couldn't bring himself to care too much about any of that. The comfort he drew from Jamie's company could only be described as blissful after the years of solitude he had endured. It sustained him and kept him sane in the midst of the bureaucracy, duplicity and corruption that he had been pulled into. It gave him the strength to weather the moments when his soul was drawn toward the abyss and had teetered at the edge. Moments when he had almost given in to all the things that were attempting to crush him from without and from within.

But now, the Doctor would have to live with the knowledge that Jamie had paid the ultimate price to give him this solace. He knew the piper well enough to know that Jamie would not have hesitated to join him even if he could have known his eventual fate. However, the Doctor found no consolation in the idea that his friend was always willing to make such a sacrifice.

The Doctor blinked hard again and looked up at the ceiling. A part of him still couldn't accept the idea that Jamie was dead, even though the reality of it was undeniable. This loss was sure to create a void in his world that could never be filled. All he would have now was his memories. He would just have to hope that that would be enough.

Stike's words came back to him, but the anger he had felt before had faded into something far more somber. He found himself wondering what the piper's last moments were like, his hearts constricting painfully in response. He knew that the Sontarans took as much pleasure in being slow and meticulous in their executions as when they were swift and efficient. The fact that Jamie had been specifically targeted meant that the former was the more likely method they had used in disposing of him. He knew that Jamie would have been brave and defiant to the very end, but that was no comfort to the Doctor. Not when he would spend the rest of his lives imaging what could have happened to Jamie and visualizing all of those possibilities in graphic detail in his mind.

He also thought about Jamie's body lying in the still, shadowy wreck of Chimera. Eventually, the space station's fate would be discovered by others. The corpses would be found and disposed of in an appropriate manner. But the Doctor could not allow Jamie's remains to be treated in such a sterile way. He was determined to take care of Jamie himself. He owed the piper that much at the very least. He would take Jamie back to Scotland, back to his home. There, he would make arrangements for a quiet memorial and return his companion's body to the land he loved so much.

The Doctor took another deep breath and pushed those thoughts out of his mind. As potent as his sorrow was, this was not the time to wallow in it. Jamie had offered his life in the hope of preserving his, and he would not dishonor his friend's memory by simply giving up without a fight. He had to find a way to escape.

He also had to stop Dastari and Chessene and find some way to get them and the Sontarans off this planet before people were hurt. The entirety of space and time were at stake, and the Doctor knew that he needed to concentrate his efforts on thwarting their plans.

After this was over, after he got away and made sure that Dastari, Chessene and the rest of them could no longer pose any threat, then he would be able to think about other things. Then he could focus on completing his final duties to his friend and on finding a way to continue on in this barren existence while awaiting his final punishment from the Time Lords.

Then he would have plenty of empty hours to mourn.


End file.
